TITLE: AHSOKA HUMOROUS VERSION

RATING: LET'S TRY TO KEEP THIS THE HIGH END OF PG FOLKS

AUTHORS: First Author: study888

CONTEXT: For some of the show's parody names see fanfic The Falcon and the Ghost (Such as Guaranteed Oreos if he's in it, etc)

NOTES: This is round robin, and if you would like to lend a hand writing it, you must join theforce.net discussion forums facfiction boards to do so. It cannot be written here. This one should be a good one, and relevant to our times as we are just three episodes in. I'm only writing the opening scenes at first and then anyone can feel free to just jump right in regardless of if they have shown prior interest or are in our group pm or not. To the mods, this is purely original parody material I came up with at the spur of the moment.



A long time ago, ah, you know the rest.... 







AHSOKA BRATTO



AFTER the DEFEAT of the EMPIRE, the NEW REPUBLIC has turned into a huge bureaucracy and Ahsoka Bratto hunts for a MCGUFFIN to help her find GRAND ADMIRAL GROAN.

MEANWHILE, A NEW REPUBLIC SHIP bearing a prisoner, MORGANA'S SPELLBOOK, is hailed by two unexpected visitors....



(This text is in RED, not YELLOW, in case you never bother to watch the show....)



EPISODE 1



SC 01 EXT SPACE



An VERY LARGE SHIP, the Vesper, goes beneath us. It has a LOT of double laser cannons, at least eight, and is very long. When we get to the end of the ship, there is a bumper sticker on the back that says 'We Brake For No One'



SC 02 INT VESPER   



NOTC-3PO 2: A ship is approaching.



CAPTAIN EXPENDABLE: A Jedi? The ship is using an older Jedi code, but it checks out.



INT VESPER-HANGAR BAY



A bunch of EXPENDABLE NEW REPUBLIC TROOPS stand facing the approaching ship. The ship lands. Two robed figures emerge, O-RAYLAN KESKOLLBI and HATI-GON SHIN.


O-RAYLAN: It's a pleasure to be aboard, Captain.



CAPTAIN EXPENDABLE: It's quite a surprise meeting a Jedi out here. You put on a good show, but (Shakes his head) I don't buy it. You're no Jedi. You're imposters. Show me your identification.



O-RAYLAN KESKOLLBI: (Reaches into his robe) Oh, I'll show you my identification.



He hands him an ID card. It says:



O-RAYLAN KESKOLLBI, DARK JEDI, STANDING IN FOR JORUUS C'BAOTH




HATI-GON SHIN: Ah, hell with this!



She flips on her orange brightsabre and slices CAPTAIN EXPENDABLE in half, then goes nuts on everyone else in the hangar, killing them all. She gestures towards the hallway.



SHIN: C'mon, y'old softie.



KESKOLLBI: Coming, Apprentice.



Then O-RAYLAN does a cheap imitation of Gareth Edwards' Vader Hallway Scene and they open MORGNA'S SPELLBOOK'S cell.



MORGANA: Aren't you a little short for Sith Lords?



They give her a blank stare.



O-RAYLAN: We're Dark Jedi. There's a difference.



MORGANA: Still Sith Lords to me.



SHIN: Whatever, you coming with or not?



They leave the cellblock.



SHIN: That was WAY too easy! We, like, totally OP'd those Rebels.!



O-RAYLAN: I just wish Vader hadn't already done my big hallway scene first. (Grumbles).

Anyway, how did you get locked up?

MORGANA'S SPELLBOOK: Ahsoka Bratto.

TITLE CARD: MASTER AND COMMANDER..., ER, APPRENTICE



SC 05 -ARCANE KEEP-DAY



We see AHSOKA BRATTO in broad daylight in GREY ROBES walking on cement. Then she suddenly pulls a move we already saw her do in Clone Wars Season 7 so it doesn't quite impress us as much, but the fanboys are going nuts over it.

MORGANA'S SPELLBOOK: (V.O.) Well, speak of the devil.

She drops into the hole. She solves a puzzle on her smartphone puzzle game to reveal the Rubik's Cube. She has a bag of sand. She takes a pinch of sand out of the bag. She switches the puzzle cube with the small bag of sand, approximately the same size and weight. Then she jumps out of the hole she made. But we see that the sandbag starts to sink into the platform the RUBIK'S CUBE was on. SUDDENLY a HUGE BOULDER rolls behind her, and she spins around and slices it in half. It splits. THEN six HK Assassin Droids attack her. She jumps back into the hole. All the DROIDS jump in after her. She JUMPS OUT, and tosses a THERMAL DETONATOR into the hole, then runs for it, thumbing her COMM.





AHSOKA: Hi-Ya, I need a pickup.



HI-YA: On it.



Her ship lowers and she jumps aboard, explosions and NATIVES shouting ANGRILY behind her SHOOTING POISON DARTS.



INT BRATTO'S SHIP



Something slithers by AHSOKA'S FEET.



AHSOKA: Hi-Ya! You know how much I HATE SNAKES!

Hi-Ya gets up and puts out one of his four hands.



HI-YA: C'mon Reggie, hep-hep.



The serpent coils around his arm. Hi-Ya goes into the back parts of the ship. He comes back without the serpent.



AHSOKA: Anyway, I found the map, exactly where Marion Ravenwood's father said it would be.



HI-YA: Who's Marion Ravenwood?



AHSOKA: Like, I have no idea. I meant Morgana's Spellbook.



HI-YA: How did you get Morgana's to tell you the location of the map?



AHSOKA (smiles): Like, totally didn't follow standard human decency, much less Standard Jedi Procedure. (She taps the bulkhead of the cockpit for absolutely no reason.)



HI-YA: Something tells me I would rather not hear the details.



AHSOKA: Yeah, you'd probably short-circuit.



The intercom comes alive:



V.O.: Lever, come in. This is Home Run. Do you copy?



HI-YA: This is Lever.



V.O.: A Priori 1. There's been an incident with the Vesper.



SC 06 EXT SPACE



Some New Republic Starcruisers and X-Wings go by. Ahsoka's JEDI STARFIGHTER drops out of Hyperspace in a random spot, with one X-wing perfectly under her, one perfectly under her to her left and one perfectly under her to her right, all safely behind her with plenty of margin.



SC 07 INT JEDI STARFIGHTER-COCKPIT



AHSOKA: Home Run, this is TK-1138 on approach. Over.



V.O.: TK-1138, you are cleared for approach. Do the stars look very different today? Over.



AHSOKA: Yes. Here I am floating in a tin can. And though I've crossed a hundred thousand miles, I'm feeling very still. And I think my space ship knows which way to go. Over.



V.O.: TK-1138, eat your protein pack and put your spacesuit on. The whole world wants to know whose shirts you wear. Over.



AHSOKA: TK-1138 out. 73's!



Ahsoka looks out and sees the burnt out husk of The Vesper.



V.O.: We're tracking you. You are cleared for landing. 73's!