Tonight on the Tonight Show with Darth Vader, we will change format from Episode 1. I will start with my opening Monologue, then I will introduce tonight's guest, and our musical performance will end our show.
Just when you think you have the Galaxy in your pocket there's another Tarkin Town or another Ghorman or another Hoth. All these pockets of Resistance and the might of our mighty Empire to snuff them out. All these tiny fires, extinguished with the stamp of my big left boot. Yeah, the first death star blew up. That thing was an annoyance anyway. It caused way too many problems since its ambitious construction. Now we have the Death Star 2. That octopus is a beauty. I'll let you in on a little secret not many know. Sheev would be very grumpy if he knew I was telling you this, but although the station appears like its still under construction, it's actually fully armed and operational, and we are baiting the Rebels to attack us. Isn't that sheer genius? Like how Rian Johnson split the entire fanbase by subverting expectations. Sheer. ****ing. Genius.
And now, tonight's guest, Luke Skyrim.
DV: So, son, how is your marriage to Mara, the Emporer's hand?
Luke: She's a hot tamale, and I mean HOT.
DV: My Master thought as much.
Luke: Bad mental image.
DV: And how is Ahch-To this time of year?
Luke: Very rainy, but all the fish rise to the surface and I'm lovin' that green milk.
DV: So, I heard you cut yourself off from the Force.
Luke: Yeah, your grandson went dark on me, and I got like, totally discouraged and became like, this old crabby hermit.
DV: How's Han?
Luke: Well, he's left my sister and gone galavanting across the galaxy back to his old ways. Some hero of the Rebellion HE'S turned out to be.
DV: How's Lando?
Luke: Well, me and him went seeking Exegol, but our trail went cold when we couldn't find Ochi of Bestoon. Pudu.
DV: I don't even know where the hell Exogol is.
Luke: Happy Father's Day, Dad.
(Gives Vader a Father's Day Card.)
DV: Awwwwwwwww.
And now, our musical guest, Elton John singing a song sung in Moulin Rouge by Ewan MacGregor, or Obi-Wan Kenobi to Duchess Satine, er, Satine the Sparkling Diamond, and hit it!
As Your Song plays, the end Credits Roll.
Compiled and edited by study888
Episode AA002 "Luke and Elton" was a production of SPEAKPURPANDVACPARODYUN LTD
Just a reminder that this is Round robin.
Sorry, I meant SPEAKPURPANDVACPARODYUN LTD, NOT STUDYPARODYUN LTD.
Tonight on The Tonight Show With Darth Vader, special guest Admiral Piett, who escaped the Star Destroyer Executor in an Escape Pod before it crashed in a fireball into the Second Death Star.
DV: I went back five years into the past, any word on what became of me the day the Executor Crashed.
PIETT: (Gulps) Well, Sir, *Ahem*, youwereredeemedbyyourson.
DV: Run that by me again, Admiral?
PIETT: You, uh, died, and so did the Emporer, and the Death Star blew up.
DV: You have failed me for the last time, Admiral.
PIETT: *gasp* (starts choking).
DV: You are in command now, Admiral Pierce.
AP: (Breaks into a cold sweat). No, I did NOT surrender the Imperial starfleet to the Rebellion at Bakura.
DV: You have failed me for the last time, Admiral Pierce.
AP: *gasp* (starts choking)
DV: YOU are in command now Admiral
Admiral Pryce runs away screaming.
PRYCE: GYAAAAAA!
DARTH VADER: My next guest is Sheev Palpitatine, Palpy the Slimy or Principle Chin Snidious himself, my Master of Disaster, PALPATINE!
AUDIENCE: PAPLATINE! PALPATINE! SIEG HEIL! SIEG HEIL!
DV: So I've always, like, wanted to know, what is your favorite color.
SP: (Waves hand) Oh, that's easy, pure black, obsidian, like the deep blackness of the inside of my heart and soul, coal pitch black.
MACE F'N WINDOWS: KAHHHHNNNNN! All throughout your mofo' book Return of the Jedi its black this and blackness and darkness that! DAMMIT!
WILLIAM SHATNER: KAAAAHHHHN!
CHECKOV: Kaaahhhn!
DV: For my next question, what is your favorite food?
SP: Ice, like the freezing cold ice in my heart and soul, and not just ordinary ice, dry ice from the pits of hell....and rice is pretty good too, brown, fried or white....shrimp fried rice is particularly good.
DV: Ok, next question, what is your five year plan?
SP: First, Nunya. Second. Vacationing on Sand World. Third, ruling the Galaxy. Fourth, manipulating everyone, including you.
DV: Now, for our musical guest, Lou Christie, Lightning Strikes a go-go
And now a word from our sponsor:
Cooking With Chef Gormaanda
And now my Monologue.....
Ruling the Galaxy has been painful from the start, and with zero limbs and one good burned head, its even more painful. Can you comprehend phantom pain? and missing Patme terribly. But still I go on, knowing that one Day my Master will teach me the secret of Immortal Life, or, as he has promised, we will learn it together. But the waiting, oh the waiting, oh the inner turmoil, the memory of the pain of the immolation and the burning and the gooey Bacta, and the painful suit, oh, but still I go on because I'm the master of disaster and I've got death star, got death star, and I'm the king of the galaxy, and all this power has not corrupted me one iota. I love being Darth Vader, I really do, and I'm here to stay.
For my last guest, Yoda.
(Sound of record stopping)
Wait, what? Yoda?
Yoda: Much to learn you still have, Vacuous.
Have you learned nothing?
DV: This conversation is OVER! Leave now!
YODA: (Sings)
As 'You'll Miss Me When I'm Gone' plays, the END CREDITS roll.
Complied and edited by study3600.
Episode AA001 "Piett, Lightning Strikes, Yoda, Sheev" is a production of STUDYPARODY UN LTD and anyone else may write or collaborate on individual Episodes, and make them as silly or goofy as they want, so long as they follow the same or similar formats as the original Episode.
If you'd like to start The Tonight Show with Darth Vader Humorous Version here on this sub-forum, Id be happy to collaborate with you on it from time to time and maybe others can too.-study3600, Admin
If Darth Vader had a comedy special, what jokes would he tell about the dark side, and would they make the audience laugh or cringe? Would his sense of humor be as dark as his suit, or would he surprise everyone with dad jokes about the Force?