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[quote=study3600]SC 31 INT. KABLINGO-TAPIOCA PUDDING-CLONING FACILITY: A WHOLE MESS OF test tube babies are in a HUGE mechanism, and below, Clones are in various stages of growth and development. LIMA-BEAN SOUP: Would you like a steaming bowl of Lima Bean Soup as I give you a tour of this cloning facility, Ob-Ewan McNobi? OB-EWAN: Um, no thanks..... LIMA: Clones can think creatively. You'll find they are vastly superior to droids. They take any order without question. OB-EWAN: What if they receive conflicting orders? LIMA: Hasn't happened yet. Our growth acceleration programs help them to be grown in a matter of a few years, otherwise they would take a lifetime to grow. Aside from his pay, which is considerable, their original host only demanded one thing: A single, unaltered clone for himself. No growth acceleration, and no docility to make him lass independent. Curious isn't it.? OB-EWAN: Who is the original Host? LIMA: A Bounty Hunter named Mango Fett. OB-EWAN: Where is this bounty hunter? LIMA: Oh, we keep him here. OB-EWAN: I would very much like to meet him. LIMA: That can be arranged. OB-EWAN: Hey, I got another question. LIMA BEAN SOUP: Go ahead. OB-EWAN: Okay, here goes: In the Heir to the Empire trilogy, wasn't it established that if you accelerate the aging process of a clone, that it would become mentally unstable? Therefore aren't all these clone troopers a little EI? LIMA-BEAN SOUP: We Kablingoans make it a point to avoid the EU. It's confusing, sparks heated debate and raises too many questions. But yes, they are a little cuckoo. They like to...act out, act weird, goof off, clown around. Their father is worried about them. And about Bubba, his son. OB-EWAN: I thought you said they were superior! LIMA BEAN SOUP: Oh they can fight. But their social behavior is...strange. OB-EWAN: But if they are like that, and they are clones of Mango... NO WE: It's a long story. You saw their circus so you know what I'm talking about. OB-EWAN: Personally, I woudn't want an- Suddenly, a group of various aliens are emerging from the darkness. ALIEN # 1: Hey, we're looking for a chap named Purp. He disappeared one day and no one can find him. He was an esteemed Jedi Master and no one has any idea what he looks like. ALIEN # 2 (hands OB-EWAN a slip of paper): If you ever see him, give us a subspace call, wouldja? ALIEN # 1: Thank you so much. They all walk away. OB-EWAN: Well, I must be going. I'll give the council your message. SC 32 INT. TAPIOCA PUDDING CITY, CLONE CENTER, COMMISSARY - DAY LIMA BEAN CONDUCTS OB-EWAN THROUGH A LARGE EATING AREA, NO WE FOLLOWS AS THE CLONES GET INTO A MASSIVE FOOD FIGHT. SC 33 EXT. TAPIOCA PUDDING CITY, PARADE GROUNDS ( RAINSTORM ) - DAY NO WE ( Very excited ) : Magnificent, aren't they ? OB-EWAN NODS SLOWLY Down below, Clones are fetching their helmets, putting them on, and marching in formation. NO WE walks up to OB-EWAN and LIMA BEAN SOUP. NO WE: I will take you to see Mango. SC 34 INT. KABLINGO- STATIC CLEAN HALLWAY-MANGO'S QUARTERS NO WE: Bubba, is your father home? BUBBA: Dad, No We's here! Out of the bedroom comes a man in a white terrycloth robe, barefoot, his hair wet from a recent shower. OB-EWAN: You must be proud of your clones, they are impressive, a bit loony, but impressive. MANGO: I'm just a simple man trying to make my way in the universe. OB-EWAN: Ever made it as far into the interior as Cormoneyscant? MANGO: I'm just a simple man trying to make my way in the universe. OB-EWAN: Recently? Hey what's that in your closet? MANGO(In Pacific Islander Tongue): Hey Bubba, what did I tell you about leaving that fr*****' closet door open! (To OB-EWAN): I'm just a simple man tring to make my way in the universe. BUBBA goes to close the closet door, and closes it. OB-EWAN: Good day. (He leaves). SC 35 EXT. KABLINGO-OPEN DOOR JUST OUTSIDE OF FACILITY LIMA BEAN SOUP: Tell your Council the first battalions are ready and remind them that if they need more troops it will take more time to grow them. NO WE: Thank you Are you sure you don't want any Tapioca pudding for your long journey home? OB-EWAN: No thanks. SC 36 EXT. TAPIOCA CITY-LANDING PLATFORM OB-EWAN races to his fighter. He calls out to his F-14 unit. The unit beeps. OB-EWAN: Scrambled eggs 2, care of the geriatric ward. Hurry! A little RADAR dish pops up, and begins transmitting a message. SC 37 INT. BIGRICHFATCATSUSCANT-TEMPLE OF DOOM-MEDITATION CHAMBER-EVENING A holgram of OB-EWAN is live before YOGA AND MACE WINDY. These cloners are using a bounty hunter named Mango Fett to create a clone army. They claim Jedi-Master Sofa-Dofa put it an order for them almost 10 years ago. I was under the impression he was killed before that? WINDY: They had no authorization from us. Bring the bounty hunter here. YOGA: Question him, we will. OB-EWAN: On a one man fighter? WINDY: Put a space suit on him and tie him to the hood. OB-EWAN: (rolls eyes) Yes, Master. SC 38 INT. NUHBOO LAKE RETREAT MANAKIN moves restlessly in his sleep. MANAKIN: Oh, Patme. Ohh, yes. Patme...wait...what?s that...your not Patme! You?re...uuuggh!...a man in a green and red sweater with knives on your fingers!.. must run. Must run, must run. Must stop and buy ice-cream...5 credits for a Good Humor bar! That?s robbery! Must run...must run...NICHAEL HACKSON! GAA! Must run faster! Is that...is that MOM? She?s... no, NO, NO! Patme? Is it really you? Let me fondle you and kiss you...WAIT! You?re Richard Simmons! AHHHHHHGH! MOM...NO! No I don?t believe you. You?re not Patme.......you are? Well prove it....WOAH! But Mom......... SC 39 EXT. NUHBOO LAKE RETREAT-LODGE-BALCONY PATME walks in on MANAKIN while he is meditating. MANAKIN: Je*** ******! Don?t you ever KNOCK?! Now I need to start ALL over again! What a way to spoil my concentration! PATME: You had a nightmare last night. MANAKIN: Jedi don't have nightmares. PATME: I heard you. And I could also here you snore. From two rooms down the hall. MANAKIN: Jedi don't snore, either. PATME: You're lying. MANAKIN (smiling): Jedi don't lie. PATME(smiling back): You're full of ****, you know that? MANAKIN (laughs): If I tell you about my dream, will you get out of here? PATME(leans close): No. You know...over the past few days, I... (she kisses him passionately.). MANAKIN (Suddenly pulls away): I saw a city in the clouds. Friends I have there. I must go to them! I gotta help them. I know that if I go now, help them I could, but I would destroy all for which they have fought and suffered. PATME: Whadda? MANAKIN: My mother's in pain. I have to go to Patootie, to save Mom. I have no choice. PATME: I'll go with you. That way you'll still be protecting me and you won't be disobeying your mandate. MANAKIN (not serious): What about Master Ob-Ewan? They look at each other and burst out laughing. They kiss and fall to the floor. PATME: It's getting hot in here. May I take- GL: NEXT SCENE PLEASE! SC 40 EXT. TAPIOCA PUDDING-KABLINGO LANDING PLATFORM (RAINSTORM)-DAY (how anyone can tell whether it's day or night I can't explain) MANGO FETT's ship, AMISTAD I, rests on the landing platform. MANGO and BUBBA FETT are preparing to board. MANGO is holding a red, yellow, blue, green, and purple umbrella over him and his son. OB-EWAN rushes through the tower door and towards the ship. BUBBA: Dad! Look! He's getting all wet! MANGO(tossing OB-EWAN a second umbrella): Bubba! Get aboard! The BOUNTY HUNTER rockets onto the top of a nearby tower. MANGO fires down at OB-EWAN, who is shielded by the umbrella. OB-EWAN launches a neuro-net from the tip of his umbrella, which MANGO dodges. OB-EWAN then rapid-fires several stun-rays, all of which miss MANGO. Inside the cockpit of AMISTAD I, BUBBA brings the weapons systems on-line. He pushes a button. FEMALE VOICE: Nuclear missile armed. BUBBA(panicks): Oh no, oh no, oh no! (presses another button). FEMALE VOICE: Action canceled. BUBBA: Whew! I picked a helluva day to stop drinking. He shoots a volley of destructive bolts OB-EWAN's way, which completely miss him. BUBBA: Father says I need to work on my aim. Meanwhile, MANGO drops down from the tower and bunts OB-EWAN with his open umbrella. Then he spins and high-kicks the winded OB-EWAN in the face.OB-EWAN drops to the ground. Just as MANGO is about to press the self closing button on his umbrella to make it into an effective spear, the wind catches it and he is carried away. Just then he notices a leak in his armor. Closing his umbrella he falls ten feet to the surface right on his face. He starts crying. OB-EWAN comes over. OB-EWAN: There, there. Why are you crying? MANGO: I got hurt and water is getting into my suit. And come to think of it I deserve a pay raise! Training those little twerps takes a lot out of a man. Money puts it all back in, but there are still holes in me. Voids that cannot be filled. I'm a very unhappy man. OB-EWAN: Well, when I'm down on money and down on luck, the rain makes me happy again. (get up, does a little tapdance.) I'm happy, in the rain. MANGO: But the rain depresses me, (gets up) but I'm beginning to see your point of view. Why be depressed and down, when you can be happy? OB-EWAN:When I'm unhappy and soaked, I cheer up really quick. And sing. Sing in the rain. Music starts up OB-EWAN(begins to sing): I'm singin' in the rain Just singin' in the rain What a glorious feeling I'm happy again. MANGO: Oh, I get it. Singing in the rain makes you feel good alll over again! (joins in) I'm singin' in the rain Just singin' in the rain What a glorious feeling I'm happy again. They both start singing together, dancing, their arms around eachother's shoulders. They get on top of a waterlogged couch and it falls over backward, and they jump off onto the platform. We're laughing at clouds. So dark , up above , The sun's in my heart And we're ready for love. Let the stromy clouds chase. Everyone from the place Come on with the rain Have a smile on your face We'll walk down the lane With a happy refrain And singin' Just singin' in the rain We're dancin' and singin' in the rain. During the interlude they both do impressive tap dances. BUBBA watches, munching on popcorn. We're singin' in the rain Just singin' in the rain What a glorious feeling We're happy again. We're singin' in the rain Just singin' in the rain We're dancin' and singin' in the rain. In the cockpit, BUBBA applauds, though no one can hear him MANGO: Thanks. Now I'm happy enough to kick you a**! OB-EWAN: Glad to have helped. Now where's my brightsabre? MANGO: Got it right here! (throws it behind him.) OB-EWAN runs after it, and reaches out to force-grab it. A wire wraps around his wrist. MANGO rockets off, dragging OB-EWAN across the surface of the platform. As OB-EWAN is being dragged across the platform he runs into some columns, bounces off them, and for some reason heads toward a patch of rosebushes that are flooded and dead. He goes through them, coming out bleeding and with his robe torn, then he crashes into a pile of broken beer bottles, cactuses, and a pihrannah tank. Finally, OB-EWAN gets caught on barbed wire and MANGO crashes to the ground. MANGO's rocket pack breaks free from his back and explodes. Losing all his common sense to rage, OB-EWAN charges MANGO and knocks him over the side. OB-EWAN realizes, too late, that he's still connected to the bounty hunter. OB-EWAN: Oh, crap. Locked together, OB-EWAN and MANGO FETT slide down toward the raging ocean. MANGO: Go go gadget forearm claws! MANGO digs his forearm claws into the surface. OB-EWAN slides past him, cursing like a mo**, and falls over the edge, still attached to the wire. Finally MANGO ejects the wire from his wrist. OB-EWAN continues his fall toward the ocean. OB-EWAN uses the Force in an attempt to wrap the wire around a pole. He misses and falls into the ocean with a great splash. A few seconds later, OB-EWAN surfaces amongst the crashing waves. OB-EWAN: Blast, this is why I hate falling! The AUDIENCE looks on in puzzlement. OB-EWAN: Well, I do! OB-EWAN pulls a grappling hook from his utility belt and tosses it up to a pole, then climbs up to a SMALL SERVICE PLATFORM. When MANGO looks down, the JEDI has disappeared. MANGO uses his forearm claws to climb back to the landing platform-- The Landing Platform: Hey, how come the small service platform gets its name in all-caps and I don't? GEORGE LUCAS: rolleyes.gif --and runs toward his ship. INSIDE THE COCKPIT-- The Landing Platform: The fr****** cockpit gets its name in all-caps too?? GEORGE LUCAS: ST*U! BUBBA FETT settles into the pilot's seat. He punches buttons. The engines ROAR. OB-EWAN comes running out onto the landing platform-- The Landing Platform: I quit. OB-EWAN plunges toward the ocean once more as the landing platform winks out of existence. Fortunately, the SMALL SERVICE PLATFORM is there to save him. As he falls, he pulls a homing device from his utility belt and throws it onto the departing AMISTAD I's hull. BATMAN: Hey, enough with the utility belts, you wannabes! OB-EWAN: Why do I get the feeling we've picked up yet another pathetic lifeform? BATMAN: Pathetic? Why I oughta... OB-EWAN: Did you see how much Batman and Robin made? BATMAN hangs his head in shame as he departs the HUMOROUS VERSION. SC 41 INT- A DARK MYSTERIOUS BUILDING SOMEWHERE ON CORONUT Dressed in his evil black robes (and seemingly ignorant of a long strip of toilet paper that's been stuck to his foot for hours), a Dark Lord stands waiting outside a door. He waits. And waits. And waits. He ROCKS gently on his heels. He waits. And waits. He bounces a few times, makes a whimpering noise. And waits. He looks around impatiently. He bounces again, grabbing his crotchable area, bouncing harder and harder. Finally, he BANGS on the door. DARK LORD: By the Sloth, man!!! Did you fall in!?!?!?!!?!?! The SOUND of a TOILET flushing. The door opens. Another DARK LORD steps out. DARK LORD 2: Sorry man, didn't mean to-- DARK LORD 1 rushes past him and slams the door. DARK LORD 2: ... take so long... A SCREAM from inside the bathroom. DARK LORD 1: By the Sloth, FLUSH NEXT TIME!!!!! SC 42 EXT. SPACE The NuhBoo Starship heads toward the desert planet of Patootie SC 43 EXT. PATOOTIE The NuhBoo Ship heads for a large paved parking lot of ships on the outskirts of Mos Espa. Every spot is taken except for a handicapped spot near the front. SC 44 INT. SHIP PATME opens a hidden panel and pulls out two sets of crutches. PATME: Use these. If you let on that you don't need them, we'll get a BIG ticket. MANAKIN and PATME ride a ripsaw through the streets. MANAKIN stares at sights he hasn't seen in years, including all the homeless and starving people begging for money. One of them recognizes MANAKIN. LARRY: MANAKIN! You used to be so generous. Please help an old man. MANAKIN: You always spent the wupiupi I gave you on death sticks and Romulan ale! But still, I have sympathy. (Reaches into his pocket) Here's twenty Republic Dactaries. (Winks at PATME) LARRY: Republic credits? Halleluja! They used to be worthless out here but now they're worth ten times what they're worth on Courseyoucan't! MANAKIN: DAMMIT! That's all I had with me! Finally, they come to PLATTO's Junk Shop, which has turned into a large franchise, with stores in Most Easy, Mos Kleisley, Mos Despa, Mos Vespa, and many other locations throughout Patootie's most densely populated regions. MANAKIN(To the droid driver): Wait please. MANAKIN and PATME get down, but stop dancing when they start getting strange looks. Sitting on a stool in front of the shop is PLATTO, talking to a similar looking creature that resembles a Muppet. PLATTO(to GONZO): Chubba da wanga no chubba ni chubba nang da wanga. Di wanga wana. GONZO: Chuba pudu! Die wana wango da wanga! Bo shuda! MANAKIN: Chut, chut, Platto. Let me help you with that. MANAKIN takes a part from PLATTO's hands and changes it into a hyperdrive motivator. PLATTO looks at him. PLATTO: Heh, Mani, ya sure have grown. What are you doing wearing Jedi robes? Ya think I'm stupid or something? You're too weak and stupid to be a Jedi. You're probably the laughing stock of the Order! What, did you impregnate all the female Jedi? Oh, there's probably plenty of Manakin to go around! You probably-WHOA! (recoils from MANAKIN's ignited sabre, which is at his throat.) MANAKIN:SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP! I took enough of this **** when I was your ****ing slave! Now where's my mother? GONZO makes a dicreet exit. PLATTO: Oh, uh, well, you see, I...sold her, yeah, I sold her and the guy set her free and-and married her, yeah, set her free and married her. Yeah, that's it. MANAKIN: Where are they? PLATTO: On the other side of Most Easy, I think. MANAKIN: Let me see your records. PLATTO: Well now, that's not- MANAKIN moves in closer, the blade centimeters from his throat. MANAKIN: LET ME SEE YOUR RECORDS! PLATTO: What I was going to say, before I was so rudely interrupted, was well now, that's not a problem. Let's go look in my records. Or would you rather just stand out here and yell at poor Platto all day? Sheesh, teenagers these days, no respect for their elders. Especially you damn Jedi paddleones. Think you own the universe or something. Why when I was a kid-- Whack MANAKIN and PLATTO go into the shop. SC 45 EXT. SPACE AROUND GENESIS The red planet of GENESIS is circled by a large asteroid field that forms rings like Saturn or Uranus, though GENESIS is clearly modeled after Mars. MANGO FETT's ship comes out of Hyperspace, and heads toward it. OB-EWAN's STARFIGHTER, now with force power (force power is optional), attatched to a Hyperspace transport ring, appears in space. The starfighter disengages from the ring and follows MANGO's ship. SC 46 INT. COCKPIT-AMISTAD I MANGO FETT grins at BUBBA FETT. MANGO: Almost there, just about 10,000 miles to go. At our speed, that will take about ten minutes. BUBBA: Which means we're going about 2,400 miles a minute, which is about 144,000 miles per hour and 40 miles per second. MANGO: Ah, truly wonderful is the mind of a child. Correct you are, Bubba. Whack MANGO: Ow! Who hit me?! BUBBA: DAD! LOOK! Someones on our radar! He's tracking us. MANGO: Not this ship, sister. BUBBA: Sister? Anyway, we'd better lose him before he drags us both into another singing number! MANGO: Blast! This is why I hate flying! We'll move into the asteroid field. BUBBA: You're not actually going into an asteroid field? MANGO: He'd be crazy to follow us. The ship moves into the asteroid field. SC 47 INT. COCKPIT-JEDI STARFIGHTER OB-EWAN: There is no way I am going in there. I'll have to go around and catch him on the other- hey, F-14, what the HELL are you DOING?! The starfighter shoots into the asteroid field, and OB-EWAN barely manages to regain control. F-14: Beep fiddle deep! OB-EWAN: Blast! This is why I hate astro-pops. A huge asteroid barrels toward the ship but is knocked aside by a much larger asteroid with a hole in the middle, which OB-EWAN flies through. GHOST OF LI-GON: There's always a bigger asteroid. Ha! Beat ya to it! OB-EWAN: There's always a bigger ego. GHOST OF LI-GON: Damn! LI-GON's ghost disappears and there is a grin of pure satisfaction on OB-EWAN's face. BUBBA sees OB-EWAN on the screen. BUBBA: Look, Dad! He's following us! MANGO: This baby's got a few surprises left in her, sweetheart. BUBBA: Sweetheart?? AMISTAD I releases a charge which drifts toward OB-EWAN. As the charge approaches the Starfighter, ARFOUR beeps. OB-EWAN: Sonic charges... stand by. The charge detonates, emitting a sound of unspeakable horror. Whitney's Tears: My loneliness is killing me (and I) I must confess I still believe (still believe) When I'm not with you I lose my mind Give me a sign Hit me baby one more time OB-EWAN: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! OB-EWAN grits his teeth but continues to fly through the asteroid field. AMISTAD I releases another sonic charge. *NStync: It's tearin' up my heart when I'm with you But when we are apart, I feel it too And no matter what I do, I feel the pain with or without you OB-EWAN: ARRRRGGGH! OB-EWAN's Starfighter begins to swerve wildly, but somehow still manages to follow AMISTAD I. MANGO: ...tearin' up my heart and soul-- BUBBA: Dad! MANGO: What, son? It's a catchy song. MANGO's s ship narrowly avoids a large asteroid. BUBBA: Someday you're going to be wrong and I just hope I live to see it. OB-EWAN's ship dives in front of theirs OB-EWAN: Oops. Whoah! Is that a purple cow grazing on that grassy asteroid over there?? F-14: Beepadabeep. (Translation: Impossible!) OB-EWAN: Well, if sound waves can travel through space, I suppose anything can happen. MANGO's ship starts firing rapid-fire lasers at OB-EWAN, who dodges them either because a) He's a Jedi and can sense where they'll hit. b) His ship can move faster than light to dodge lasers at sublight speeds c) MANGO has REALLY bad aim or d) This is a movie and GL knows that it's impossible to dodge laser beams because they'd hit you by the time the light from the gun even traveled to your eyes but he also knows that if the lasers are barely visible, it would look like nothing came out of the gun and they are playing laser tag. BUBBA: YEEAH! GET'EM DAD! FIRE! MANGO(stops shooting at the other ship and panicks.): FIRE? WHERE, SON, WHERE IS THE FIRE?! BUBBA: HE'S GETTING AWAY! DAD! DAD! Oh, well. (He takes the controls). MANGO: HEY! THERE'S NO FIRE! YOU TRICKED ME! You little SNOT! BUBBA reactivates the lasers and scores a direct hit on the starfighter. It tumbles, crashes into an asteroid and explodes. MANGO: Good job, son. SC 48 INT.CORROSIVE- TEMPLE OF DOOM--NIGHT KI-ADI MONEY MONEY: This water is contaminated. YOGA: Tastes fine, it does to me. *sigh* Put it with all the other ones. KI-ADI falls over, dead. MACE WINDY: KI! NOOOO! In the shadows, a figure waits. YOGA: I sense something. Shhhh. Suddenly, the lights go out. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! A glow stick comes on, held by YOGA. The tension mounts as, by the meager light, he discovers half of the Jedi Council members with slit throats. Suddenly, two SITH LORDS, who just came from the bathroom, attack, sabres flashing! Every one of the five remaining Jedi take them on they duck, jump, parry, thrust, sweep and flip. YOGA popping sugar pills and washing them down with Surge the whole time. ADI GALLA is run through. The four remaining Jedi are back to back, trying to stave off these two assassins. YOGA takes the arm off of one, but the Dark Lord's arm regenerates! One of YOGA's ears is sliced off as another Jedi Master is slain behind him, leaving only one Jedi to guard his back. YOGA's stamina is strong. Willing himself to ignore the pain, he runs the Dark Lord through and at the same instant is decapitated by the other Dark Lord who has already finished off the two remaining Masters. SC 49 EXT. PATOOTIE, JUNDLAND WASTES MANAKIN and PATME are riding a speeder through the desert. PATME is driving while MANAKIN scans the horizon with macrobinoculars. MANAKIN: Something's not right...DAMN! Banthas! I sense them! PATME: I smell them. MANAKIN: I have a cold, okay? SUDDENLY they are surrounded by Sandpoopies. PATME draws her blaster, MANAKIN his brightsabre. PATME is a dead aim and MANAKIN first kills a Bantha and then starts hacking Tuskens to pieces. Five surround his and he takes them out with one circular sweep. They overwhelm PATME and carry her off. MANAKIN chases the procession, but the Banthas are too fast. MANAKIN: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! From behind, a cloaked figure-DARTH CHIN-pulls back his hood to reveal-the former Supreme Cameo Vallium. VALIUM: My dear boy, this must be a real tragedy for you. Join me, and you will have power beyond your wildest dreams! MANAKIN: You sent that Sift Lord to kill Li-Gon! VALIUM: Bludgeon was Palpy's apprentice, not mine. He just let me borrow him for a while since I didn't have one, ever since.... MANAKIN: Since my old apprentice went and became a familiar Jedi, and took on an apprentice of his own. MANAKIN: And who were these? VALIUM: George Lucas and his apprentice Dave Filoni. GL: Hey, this is my movie, so why are you killing off all the characters, study? study3600: My bad. He keeps writing. SC 50 EXT. SPACE - THE ASTEROID CHASE The Amistad I is in hot pursuit of OB-EWAN'S Jedi Starfighter. BUBBA FETT: Get'em Dad, FIRE! MANGO: FIRE?! WHERE IS IT?! (bends down to search for it.) BUBBA takes the controls. He fires and nearly hits OB-EWAN's ship, which escapes. BUBBA: Blast! This is why I hate blasting! MANGO: Hey, there's no fire! You tricked me! Wait! You were going to blast this guy into oblivion without me?! I'm so proud of you son! You went over my helmet. That takes guts! (Gives BUBBA a big hug.) BUBBA: Uh, dad? MANGO: Hm? BUBBA: GET HIM! SC 51 EXT. SPACE OB-EWAN's ship tumbles and rolls, and tumbles from another near miss. SC 52 INT. JEDI STARFIGHTER-COCKPIT OB-EWAN: Oh blast! This is- oh, nevermind. Uh oh, I'm picking up a missile on my SONAR. F-14: Do you always talk to yourself? OB-EWAN: Only when I'm willing to listen. SC 53 EXT. SPACE The missile, a projectile which you CAN dodge without going to Warp factor Two, chases OB-EWAN's tiny Star-Whacker (well it looks like one) relentlessly, despite all OB-EWAN's attempts to out-maneuver it. OB-EWAN: I got it! It's a heat-seeking missile, right? OB-EWAN: Right. OB-EWAN: So if you take away the HEAT.. OB-EWAN: ..Then the missile.. OB-EWAN AND OB-EWAN TOGETHER: ..Loses us! OB-EWAN: But how do you do that? OB-EWAN: Well, howabout freezing the back of our ship? OB-EWAN: How? OB-EWAN: Well, vacuum is colder than cold, right? OB-EWAN: Yeah... OB-EWAN: So we'll open the engine maintenance panel and allow the vacuum to freeze our engines. Arfour can manually unscrew it and we'll be invisible to the missile. We make a sharp turn at the last second and it goes right by us. OB-EWAN: Then we'll be engineless. How will we land on the planet? OB-EWAN: Don't worry. I have that covered. SC 54 EXT. SPACE F-14 unscrews the panel. The ship makes a sharp turn, behind a large asteroid. The missile passes the starfighter and goes ahead three miles before exploding against a small asteroid, but MANGO AND BUBBA think the missile hit the ship. AMISTAD I heads down to the planet. CLOSE-UP on ship's underbelly. OB-EWAN's starfighter clings there, undetectable by MANGO's SONAR. SC 55 EXT. GENESIS PLANET-DAY MANGO's ship enters the atmosphere, and gets to within 5000 feet of the ground. SC 56 INT. OB-EWAN's FIGHTER-COCKPIT OB-EWAN: There's a huge concentration of Federation ships. The Enterprise, Defiant, Voyager, Reliant. We'd better stay clear. Detatch landing claw. OB-EWAN: Detatching claw now. You have your moments. Not many, but you do have them. SC 57 EXT. GENESIS PLANET The STARFIGHTER detatches from the AMISTAD I at five hundred feet, still unnoticed, and falls to the ground with a large CLUNK. Fortunately, with the engines dead, there is no explosion. OB-EWAN comes out, battered, bruised and thankful for airbags. OB-EWAN heads toward a large mountain, but is stopped by a group of various aliens, but not the same ones he saw on Kablingo. ALIEN #1: Top of the morning to you, sir. We were wondering if you have happened to run into a fellow named Purp. He was an esteemed Jedi Master. He turned up missing some time ago. We don't know what he looks like, however, but you'd have recognized him had you seen him. OB-EWAN: Sorry, haven't seen him. Howcome I went through several painstaking steps to find and land on this rock! How did you guys get here? ALIEN #1: Thank you for your time. Good day. The SEARCH PARTY continues on. OB-EWAN keeps walking. SC 58 EXTERIOR PATOOTIE The NuhBOO Starship descends, hovers, descends further, hovers some more, ascends a bit, hovers, and lands on a bluff. MANAKIN and PATME get out. They look down from the edge of the bluff to where the homestead is seen on the desert floor below. PATME: Stay with the ship, Artoo. ARTOO WHISTLES (translation: Like I'd want to go with you losers anyway!) as MANAKIN and PATME start down the trail toward the homestead. STINKY-O is working outside the homestead. He looks up as MANAKIN and PATME arrive. STINKY-O: Oh, hello. How might I be of service? I am, um... MANAKIN: C-ThruMe? STINKY-O: Oh my, oh my... my maker! Master Manakin, you've returned! But that name no longer has any meaning to me. MANAKIN: Makes sense, I suppose... STINKY-O: Don't ask me why, but I am now known as Stinky-O. MANAKIN: Why? Whack STINKY-O: And this must be Miss Patme. PATME: Hello, um... Stinky-O. MANAKIN: I've come to see my mother. STINKY-O: I think... I think... therefore I am... I am... Perhaps we'd better go indoors. 059 EXTERIOR PATOOTIE, HOMESTEAD, COURTYARD - LATE DAY Manakin, Patme, and Stinky-O arrive in the courtyard. Stinky-O shuffles ahead. STINKY-O: Master Klug, Master Larks! Might I present two important visitors? O-WAN LARKS and BEROO BRITESUN come out into the courtyard. MANAKIN: I'm Manakin Streetwalker. O-WAN: O-Wan Larks. This is my girlfriend, Beroo. BEROO: (looks suggestively at Manakin and licks her lips) Hello, Manakin. I'm sure you'll find it very pleasant here-- O-WAN: Shut up! Who said you were allowed to talk? MANAKIN: (to Beroo) Shave the 'stache. Sheesh. PATME: (glares at Manakin) I guess I'll just have to introduce myself... I'm Patme. O-WAN: I guess I'm your stepbrother. Of course, despite that line some morons will still wonder how I could be as old as you when Shmoo didn't have me ten years ago. I had a feeling you might show up some day. MANAKIN: Is my mother here? KLUG: No, she's not. KLUG LARKS swings from the house on a rickety old wheelchair, cursing at each bump. One of his legs is wrapped in duct tape; the other is missing. He balances awkwardly and puts out a hand. KLUG: Klug Lars. Shmoo is my wife... Come on inside. We have a lot to talk about... 060 INTERIOR PATOOTIE, HOMESTEAD, KITCHEN - LATE DAY A woman's place is in the kitchen. BEROO puts several cups of Kool-Aid on a tray. KLUG: It was just before dawn. They came out of nowhere. A gang of juvenile delinquent Tusky Raiders. BEROO brings the drinks in from the kitchen. Like a good wife, she is seen but not heard. KLUG: Your mother had gone out early, like she always did, to pick magic mushrooms that grow on the vaporators. MANAKIN: Magic mushrooms? KLUG: Of course, they're the only valuable thing we can grow in this wasteland. MANAKIN: Ah yes, I remember hearing my master talk about them. KLUG: Anyway, from the tracks, she was about halfway home when they took her. Those Tuskies walk like monsters, but they're vicious, mindless men. Thirty of us went out after her. Four of us came back. I'd be with them, only... after I lost my leg I just couldn't ride any more... until I heal. O-WAN: Like that's ever going to happen. KLUG: I don't want to give up on her, but she's been gone a month. There's little hope she's lasted this long. Silence. Then MANAKIN stands up. O-WAN: Where are you going? MANAKIN: (grimacing) To the refresher, Gonkdammit! My bladder is about to explode!... Then to find my mother. KLUG: Your mother's dead, son, accept it. MANAKIN: That's not true! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!! MANAKIN turns abruptly and runs out, holding his crotch. SC 61 EXT. PATOOTIE-HOMESTEAD-MOISTURE FARM-LATE DAY MANAKIN stands looking across the desert. PATME comes running out of the homestead after him. MANAKIN turns to PATME. PATME: Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you... MANAKIN: It's ok, I'm just about done peeing... *ZIP!* PATME: I didn't know that Jedi Robes had zippers.... Anyway, I came to talk to you... We decided not to fall in love, which is why I'm going to wear as many sexy outfits around you as possible... MANAKIN: So you're saying that there's a chance? PATME: No... *wink, wink* MANAKIN: Well pudu, as soon as you said no, I went and hooked up with one of your handmaidens....Anyway, you are going to have to stay here. These are good people. Patme. Well, good enough, anyway. You'll be safe as long as you avoid any advances by O-Wan. You're obviously way more hot than Beroo and I've noticed him staring at your body evey time she wasn't looking. And Klug seems a little off his kilter. I wouldn't advise you or Beroo to be anywhere near him when he's drunk. PATME: Manakin... She hugs him, and he places both hands firmly on her-nevermind. MANAKIN walks to O-WAN's speeder bike, which O-Wan found parked near Mos Epson and has a D.B. monogram on the handlebars. MANAKIN: I won't be long, and I'm just saying that to comfort you. The truth is I could be gone a very long time, and I might end up not coming back. Smell ya later. MANAKIN leaps onto the speeder. Nothing happens. ARTOO: Sheeble deeble do. MANAKIN: Oh. He turns the ignition switch. The engine fires. He takes off across the desert. PATME watches him go, shaking her head.[/quote]