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[quote=study3600][color=#000000]SC 61 INT. DEADLY STAR - FORWARD BAY - COMMAND OFFICE[/color] [i]Marcus and Hands, dressed as stomptroopers, enter along with Been, Chunky, and the droids. Hands closes the door, then rips off his helmet and glares at Been.[/i] [color=#000000]HANDS:[/color][color=#000000] 'I'll use the Force,' he says. Great idea, old man! You nearly got us caught![/color] [color=#000000]BEEN:[/color][color=#000000] Hey, even Jedi have bad days.[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS:[/color][color=#000000] We board an Imperious battle station, and everyone gets delusions of grandeur.[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: [/color][color=#000000]Y'know, between his howling and your blasting its any wonder that no one in the station doesnt know were here[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS:[/color][color=#000000] Shut the **** up wussy boy, your old man here was actin like Ob-Ewan from the TPM humorous version a little while go getting us in this joint, so dont catch no attitude with me. Besides i prefer a fair fight to all this sneaking around[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS:[/color][color=#000000] Then whats the point of you trying to avoid Pizza the Hutt back on Patootie, if you " prefer a fair fight ?"[/color] [i]EVERYONE LOOKS AT HANDS FOR A GOOD MINUTE[/i] [color=#000000]HANDS[/color][color=#000000]( looking away from everyone )[/color][color=#000000]:[/color][color=#000000] I'll...uh... get back to you on that one, but we need to get out of here[/color] [i]ARTOO DETOO IS SCANNNING THE COMPUTER TO FIND THE TRACTOR BEAM SWITCH AS HE DISCOVERS IT. IT IS APPARENT THAT BEEN MUST BE THE ONE TO GO ON THIS ALL BUT IMPORTANT SUICIDE MISSION.[/i] [color=#000000]BEEN:[/color][color=#000000] I dont think you sorry excuse for heroes can help me on this. I must go alone.[/color] [color=#000000]stay here[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS:[/color][color=#000000] No problem with me old man[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS:[/color][color=#000000] But I can come and help you ....[/color] [color=#000000]BEEN:[/color][color=#000000] Marcus , pleeeeese stop your whining. getting on my nerves with that ****,for real. Stay and see these droids safely to all drained, if we should fail,then other star systems that fall pray to the imperious forces will pray for you demise on every level. And if they know that i was involved in your foul ups, then i wont hear the end of it in the after life. ask my late master, believe me, he'll tell you.[/color] [i]BEEN TOUCHES THE DOOR THAT OPENS QUICKLY WHICH SHOWS THE LARGE AND SURPRISINGLY EMPTY CORRIDORS WITH NO GUARDS PATROLLING IN SIGHT.[/i] [color=#000000]BEEN:[/color][color=#000000] Your destiny lies on a different path young mind.[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS:[/color][color=#000000] Really, what is it ?[/color] [color=#000000]BEEN:[/color][color=#000000] Whats is what ?[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: [/color][color=#000000]Destiny.[/color] [color=#000000]BEEN:[/color][color=#000000] Whose destiny ?[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS:[/color][color=#000000] Mines.[/color] [color=#000000]BEEN:[/color][color=#000000] What about it ?[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS[/color][color=#000000] (clearly fustrated at this point )[/color][color=#000000]:[/color][color=#000000] What path does my destiny lie on ?[/color] [i]BEEN AND MARCUS STARE AT EACH OTHER FOR A GOOD MINUTE WITHOUT BLINKING.....[/i] [color=#000000]BEEN:[/color][color=#000000] How the **** should I know, I'm only speaking rhetorically..[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS:[/color][color=#000000] Thats all you ve been doing ever since I've known you. you never give straight answer to questions, you allways have a bad feeling about something, How did you become a Jedi Knight anyway ? You speak in stupid a** riddles that makes absolutely no type of sense.....[/color] [color=#000000]BEEN:[/color][color=#000000] Marcus...all I said was that I didn't know what path your destiny lies. That was said to make you reflect on a something that you must do that is bigger than following me, To follow a path that, even though uncertain, will bring you great rewards if you are brave and fearless in your struggle against evil.[/color] [color=#000000]ARTOO DETOO :[/color][color=#000000] BEEP, WHISTLE, BEEP, BEEP, SQUARKK, TOOT, TOOT ( Damn, that **** was deeeeeep )[/color] [color=#000000]BEEN:[/color][color=#000000] Do you understand what it is I'm saying, Marcus ?[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS :[/color][color=#000000] WHAT?[/color] [color=#000000]BEEN: [/color][color=#000000]Exactly... The force with be with you... always.[/color] [i]BEEN WALKS OUT OF THE DOOR AND THE DOOR CLOSES EVEN FASTER, CHUNKY GIVES A GROWL IN RESPONSE TO THAT LONG BORING SPEECH..[/i] [color=#000000]HANDS:[/color][color=#000000] Yeah, you said it Chunky. Where did[/color] [i]SUDDENLY THE DOOR OPENS UP...[/i] [color=#000000]BEEN:[/color][color=#000000] And remember Marcus, when all else fails... There's allways a bigger fish .[/color] [i]AFTER WHICH THE DOORS SLAMS BACK SHUT[/i] [color=#000000]HANDS:[/color][color=#000000] Where did you dig up that old fossil?![/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS:[/color][color=#000000] Been is a great man..he may not have a complete grasp of the concept of Jedi's with common sense, but at least he's brave and fearless. He's probably right now, even as we speak, putting together a plan to foil the plans of the bad guys......[/color] [color=#000000]SC 62 INT DEADLY STAR-HANGAR BAY 384[/color] [i]IN ANOTHER SEPERATE SCENE, WE SEE THE " BRAVE AND FEARLESS " BEEN DOING WHAT " BRAVE AND FEARLESS " MEN DO BEST...[/i] [color=#000000]BEEN:[/color][color=#000000] ( INSIDE THE COCKPIT OF A TIE FIGHTER ) Owwww !!!!! G**d***i*, How can you hot wire this thing, I got to get the **** up on out of here. Whining brats, smelly Cookies and retarded nearsighted smugglers is not going to be the death of me. Nosireebob, old been is taking the high road of this Godforsakin rock...[/color] [i]SUDDENLY, A SPIRIT APPEARS IN BACK OF BEEN[/i] [color=#000000]LI-GON'GHOST: [/color][color=#000000]So you taking the chicken **** way out huh ?[/color] [color=#000000]BEEN:[/color][color=#000000] I havent the foggiest idea what your talking about[/color] [color=#000000]LI-GON'S GHOST:[/color][color=#000000] Hmmmmmmm, trying to hot wire an enemies' space craft is not taking the easy way out ?[/color] [color=#000000]BEEN:[/color][color=#000000] Lets just say that i'm finally realizing that what you said a long time time ago when we was at the Jedi temple has a lot of merit.[/color] [color=#000000]LI-GON'S GHOST:[/color][color=#000000] And that was...[/color] [color=#000000]BEEN: [/color][color=#000000]" I must do what I must......[/color] [color=#000000]LI-GON'S GHOST:[/color][color=#000000] I never thought that I would live ( even though I am actually deceased )to see the day where my Padawan learner would turn into such a punkified, wimpified, homogenized, pasturized, petrified, sissified shell of a jedi knight[/color] [color=#000000]BEEN:[/color][color=#000000] You dont know what its like to travel with the company that I was with... it was like having four jab jab rinks constantly getting on your last nerves over stupid asinine ****[/color] [color=#000000]LI-GON GHOST:[/color][color=#000000] Dont center on your anixeties, Ob-Ewan, keep your concentration here and now where it belongs.[/color] [color=#000000]BEEN:[/color][color=#000000] will you give it a rest, Li-gon ! geez, you been repeating the same stupid lines from TPM even when you've been dead for the past 40 years. Did it ever occure to you that after 40 years of listening to you repeating the same phrases, that I might..oh I dont know....DONT GIVE A **** !!!!!!!!![/color] [color=#000000]LI-GON'S GHOST:[/color][color=#000000] And as you dont give a ****, you should always be mindful of the living force, young padawan. That way, you would know that despite the odds against you giving a ****, there's always a bigger fish.[/color] [color=#000000]BEEN [/color][color=#000000](slumping to the floor of the ship while sobbing )[/color][color=#000000]:[/color][color=#000000] Li-Gon, please stop it, I am slowly losing my sanity. Do you have anything worthwhile to say thats not TPM related ?[/color] [color=#000000]LI-GON'S GHOST:[/color][color=#000000] Only this......[/color] [i]THEY BOTH STARE AT EACH OTHER FOR A GOOD MINUTE WITHOUT BLINKING[/i] [color=#000000]LI-GON'S GHOST:[/color][color=#000000] ... That I forsee you becoming a great jedi knight..[/color] [color=#000000]BEEN:[/color][color=#000000] Here we go again....[/color] [color=#000000]LI-GON'S GHOST:[/color][color=#000000] And that you are a much wiser man than I am..[/color] [color=#000000]BEEN:[/color][color=#000000] not wise enough to leave when I had the chance, G**d***i*[/color] [color=#000000]SC 63 INT. DEADLY STAR - FORWARD BAY - COMMAND OFFICE MARCUS:[/color][color=#000000] Like I said, Been is a great man..[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: [/color][color=#000000]Yeah, great into getting us into trouble[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS:[/color][color=#000000] Why you stuck up , half witted, scruffy looking,...nerfherder ! Who do you...[/color] [i]ARTOO DETOO INTERRUPTS THE TWO QUARRLING EXCUSE FOR HEROES TO LET THEM KNOW THAT PRINCESS LEE IS HERE ON THE DEATH WISH STAR[/i] [color=#000000]MARCUS:[/color][color=#000000] The princess she's here[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS:[/color][color=#000000] Princess, whats going on?[/color] [i]ARTOO DETOO BEEPS AND WHISTLE A SECOND TIME AND STINKY-O RELATES THE FOLLOWING MESSAGE[/i] [color=#000000]STINKY-O :[/color][color=#000000] The princess is in detetion level....uh...uh... something, something nubian[/color] [color=#000000]LI-GONS'S GHOST:[/color][color=#000000] Hmmmmmm, where have I heard that before ?[/color] [color=#000000]STINKY-O:[/color][color=#000000] I'm afraid that shes scheduled to be whacked[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: [/color][color=#000000]Holy ****, we gotta do something[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS:[/color][color=#000000] Do what, little whining farmers boy?[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS:[/color][color=#000000] She's the one in the message , we gotta help her![/color] [color=#000000]HANDS:[/color][color=#000000] Is you ****in crazy, bad enough we are trapped in this station without no back up, limited artillary, no food or medical resources, and now you want us to rescue some bimbo who I don't know or had any sex u al contact with....I think not ![/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS:[/color][color=#000000] You got to be joking[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS:[/color][color=#000000] Besides, the old man told us to stay right here[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS:[/color][color=#000000] Listen, you have been ( no pun intended ) raving about not having enough hard core Steven Segal action to satisfy you, now all you wanna do is stay ?[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: [/color][color=#000000]Marching into a detention cell is not my Idea of hard core action...more like suicide[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS:[/color][color=#000000] But they're gonna execute her...[/color] [i]MARCUS STARES AT HANDS FOR A GOOD MINUTE HOPING THAT THE VERY WORDS OF DEATH OF AN INNOCENT AND HELPLESS PRINCESS IN MORTAL DANGER WOULD AWAKEN THE HERO WITHIN OUR...WELL... HERO. HANDS NOW TURNS TO MARCUS AND MAKES HIS DARING DECISION KNOWN, A DECISION THAT WILL MARK HANDS DOWN IN THE ANNELS OF HUMAN COURAGE AND VALOR...[/i] [color=#000000]HANDS:[/color][color=#000000] **** that B**** !!![/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS :[/color][color=#000000] WHAT? ? ? ?!!!![/color] [color=#000000]HANDS:[/color][color=#000000] You heard me, **** her, I mean, she ain't my woman for me to be risking life and limb over[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS:[/color][color=#000000] Oh my God, she's the friggin' princess for crying out loud !!!![/color] [color=#000000]HANDS:[/color][color=#000000] And... what has she done for me lately ?[/color] [i]MARCUS SENSING THAT THE ARGUMENT IS ALMOST LOST TURNS TO HIS ACE IN THE HOLE...[/i] [color=#000000]MARCUS[/color][color=#000000] (whispering in hands ear)[/color][color=#000000]:[/color][color=#000000] She's rich.[/color] [i]CHUNKY LETS OUT A ROAR OF APPROVAL[/i] [color=#000000]HANDS :[/color][color=#000000] Rich ? you mean this broad got money?[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS:[/color][color=#000000] Oh yeah, loads of it.[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: [/color][color=#000000]I'm talking about, does this B**** got C.H.C.O.H.[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS:[/color][color=#000000] C.H.C.O.H.? Whats that ?[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS:[/color][color=#000000] Cold Hard Cash On Hand.[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS:[/color][color=#000000] Listen, they give rewards for the rescue of a princess[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: [/color][color=#000000]How much ?[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: [/color][color=#000000]More wealth than you can imagine[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS:[/color][color=#000000] If I can imagine having wild, meaningless unprotective sex with Carrie Fisher, I can imagine quite a bit ![/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: [/color][color=#000000]You'll get it you greedy mutha****a, I know you want the money. Your life serves no other purpose. I mean can you picture your self as anything else other than a two bit thug and hoodlum ?[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS : [/color][color=#000000]I can imagine myself as a well respected General of a small rebel alliance one day..[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS [/color][color=#000000]( Laughing hard )[/color][color=#000000]:[/color][color=#000000] Who told you that lie ?!![/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: [/color][color=#000000]You better be right about this. Cause if your not...I will mop up the floor with your monkey a** my damn self. Okay kid, what's your plan.[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS :[/color][color=#000000] Ummmm[/color] [i]MARCUS REACHES OVER TO GRAB A PAIR OF SnM CUFFS, A WHIP, AND SOME KY JELLY AND WALKS OVER TO CHUNKY...[/i] [color=#000000]MARCUS:[/color][color=#000000] Okay, now I'm gonna put this on you..[/color] [i]CHUNKY LETS A FIERCE SNARL AT MARCUS FOR EVEN THINKING ALONG THOSE LINES[/i] [color=#000000]MARCUS: [/color][color=#000000]Uhhh errrr, 0okay, Hands, you put these on him[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: [/color][color=#000000]Marcus, I'm insulted at you even thinking I get down like that[/color] [i]HE TAKES THE CUFFS AND PUTS IT ON CHUNKY[/i] [color=#000000]HANDS: [/color][color=#000000]Dont worry chunky, I think I know what he has in mind[/color] [color=#000000]STINKY-O :[/color][color=#000000] Sir i dont think it would be too much trouble to ask what should we do if Artoo and I are discovered[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS:[/color][color=#000000] Lock the door[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS:[/color][color=#000000] And hope that they don't have blasters[/color] [color=#000000]STINKY-O:[/color][color=#000000] Thats it ? Nothing else ?[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS[/color][color=#000000] ( Looking at Stinky-o with a surprised expression ): Yeah ! That's it... what the **** you think you was gonna do.[/color] [color=#000000]STINKY-O :[/color][color=#000000] Well.. I ..could defend my self y'know.[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS:[/color][color=#000000] You got to be kidding me. With what? your fluency in over six million forms of communication ? what the **** is you talking about.[/color] [color=#000000]STINKY-O:[/color][color=#000000] Listen, Im not sitting here waiting to be blown to hell while you sorry sons of jawas try to rescue a woman who has not the least bit of attraction for either of you..... Literally.[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS:[/color][color=#000000] Well, regardless of anything, you cant even make love to a woman anyway![/color] [color=#000000]STINKY-O : [/color][color=#000000]For your information, I happen to be fully functional in that area, thank you very much![/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS:[/color][color=#000000] Whatever![/color] [color=#000000]HANDS:[/color][color=#000000] My point exactly .[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS[/color][color=#000000]( Scratches his hair )[/color][color=#000000]: [/color][color=#000000]I dont get it.[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS:[/color][color=#000000] When you become a bona fi[/color][color=#000000]d[/color][color=#000000]e sex symbol like myself... you will.[/color] [i]THEY BOTH LEAVE THE ROOM[/i] [color=#000000]SC 64 INT. DEADLY STAR - DETENTION AREA[/color] [i]Marcus and Hands march through the Deadly Star, trying to look inconspicuous. Several crewers throw curious glances at Chunky, whose hands are bound. After a short wait, an elevator arrives. The trio steps in.[/i] [color=#000000]HANDS: I can't see a thing in this helmet![/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: Maybe you should put on your glasses.[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: For the last time, I don't need glasses![/color] [color=#000000]The elevator door closes, cutting off Chunky's muffled laughter.[/color] [color=#000000]INT. DEADLY STAR - MAIN HALLWAY[/color] [color=#000000]Several stomptroopers walk in formation down the hallway. After they pass, Been sticks his head out from behind a column. Stealthily, he makes his way unseen through the battle station. He quickly ducks out of sight as the menacing figure of Darth Vacuous appears in the hallway. Vacuous passes by, oblivious to Been's presence. Suddenly, the old man slips out of concealment and lightly touches Vacuous' back. The Sith Lord whirls about, but Been has already slipped back into hiding. Confused, Vacuous continues walking. As he passes the camera, we can see that Been stuck a piece of paper to Vacuous' cape saying, "KICK ME"[/color] [color=#000000]IMPERIOUS STATION- DETENTION PRISONER CELL ELEVATOR[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: Y'know kid, i dont think this is gonna work[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: Why didnt you say that before[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: I did say this before[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS SHRUGGS HIS SHOULDERS AND AWAITS THE ARRIVAL OF THE DESTINATED FLOOR. THE DOOR SOON OPENS AND OUT STEPS OUR SORRY SONS OF JAWAS READY TO RESCUE OUR FAIR MAIDEN...[/color] [color=#000000]A OFFICER (WHO IS LOOKING AT A CONTROL PANEL) LOOKS AT THE RATHER LARGE COOKIE IN CUFFS WITH A KEEN INTEREST[/color] [color=#000000]OFFICER: Where are you taking this... thing ?[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: Prisoner being transfered from cell block 1148.[/color] [color=#000000]OFFICER: I wasnt notified...I have to clear it[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: I dont think that is a good idea ..sir[/color] [color=#000000]OFFICER: Why[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: Because these orders came directly from the commander himself[/color] [color=#000000]OFFICER: Commander ? and who might that be ?[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: What do you mean " who might that be? ' you dont know the commander?[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: WHAT?!!. Please tell me you know who the commander is. Dont sit up here and tell me , you dont know who the commander is?!!![/color] [color=#000000]OFFICER ( Loking a tad bit nervous ): I dont know who the commander is...[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: Bull**** !!!!! you know who the ***k the commander is. Dont ***kin sit up her and lie to me ! Why do you think we brought up this smelly, nasty, filthy, diseased animal with little or no brain patterns just so your lazy, retarded a** can sit up here and tell us you dont know who the commander is! These orders came from the commander! Everybody in the Deadly Star knows who the commander is. You mean to tell me, You, out of everybody in this big a** space station, dont know who the commander is ?!!![/color] [color=#000000]THE OFFICER AT THIS POINT, IS SWEATING UP A STORM..[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: WELL?!! Dont just stand there looking like a complete a**hole, Do you know who he is ?!!![/color] [color=#000000]OFFICER: I.... Uhhh..... I... Oh God, I....[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: Get a hold of yourself you ***kin sissy. Answer the G**damn question !!!![/color] [color=#000000]OFFICER: Uhhhhhh .... Commander..uhhh..[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: Lets go, while we're young !!![/color] [color=#000000]OFFICER: Uhhhh commander...RIKER ?[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: Bull**** !!!! You know who the ***k he is. Tellin us some stupid **** like that.Is you crazy?!! how did you get this job ? who did you see? who did you ***k ? who is your relative ? I dont what to say.. listen just move! get the hell out of here!![/color] [color=#000000]Oooooo Boy, just wait 'till I tell the commander about this one!![/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: This is bad.. this is really bad. you really done it, now.[/color] [color=#000000]OFFICER: Oh my God, what have I done ?!!![/color] [color=#000000]IN HIS GRIEF, THE GUARD GRABS A BLASTER THEN TRIES TO KILL HIMESELF[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: Holy ****! look out hes got a gun !![/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS AND HANDS PROCEED TO DRAW THEIR GUNS AND START FIRING WILDLY AT RANDOM SHOOTING THE CAMERAS LOCATED ON THE WALL AND DOORWAYS[/color] [color=#000000]THE OFFICER,UNFORTUNATELY GOT CAUGHT IN THE CROSSFIRE. AFTERWARDS THE HEROES PROCEED TO FIND THE PRINCESS, BUT NOT WITHOUT THE ALARMS GOING OFF.....HANDS IS NOW AT THE CONTROL PANEL...[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: Now all we gotta do is find out which cell this princess of yours is in...here it is.cell number something something. you go get her, i'll hold everything here.[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS CLICK ON THE PANEL SWITCH[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: Detention here...[/color] [color=#000000]VOICE OVER INTERCOM: We have a priority one call from The commander.[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS( In a state of shock ): WHAT?!! Commander who..?[/color] [color=#000000]VOICE OVER INTERCOM: You mean to tell me, you dont know who the commander is?[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: I...Uhhh....I..Oh God...I..Commander..Riker ?[/color] [color=#000000]VOICE OVER INTERCOM: Correct! Hes on line now.[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: Patch me through.[/color] [color=#000000]VOICE OVER INTERCOM: You're on, commander Riker..[/color] [color=#000000]RIKER ( Sounding really pissed off): What the ***K is going ON down there?![/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: We brought the cokkie up to the area as you requested sir.. the officer that was stationed there just had a nervous break down, and in the mist of him going crazy, we had a rather large radiation leakage.[/color] [color=#000000]RIKER: Son, can I ask a really stupid question?[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: Yes sir?[/color] [color=#000000]RIKER: How can a man having a nervous break down cause a radiation leakage ?[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: Uhhhhh..[/color] [color=#000000]RIKER: Listen, while you'll try to answer that question, I'll send a couple of my best stormtroopers up there to tear your ***kin throats out.. hows that for starters? huh? And while I'm at it,I'll have them blow you all new a**h***![/color] [color=#000000]HANDS blasts the comm and turns to Marcus and Chunkalunk.[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: Marcus, we're going g to have company, and I'm not talking about dinner guests![/color] [color=#000000]INT. DEADLY STAR - CELL ROW[/color] [color=#000000]Marcus stops at one of the cells and opens the door. Inside, the beautiful Princess Lee is shaving her legs.[/color] [color=#000000]LEE: C*****! Don't you people ever knock?[/color] [color=#000000]Marcus doesn't answer, too busy ogling her bare legs, completely unaware that he is in fact checking out his twin sis-[/color] [color=#000000]Whack[/color] [color=#000000]Hey![/color] [color=#000000]Quiet. There's no need give that away right now.[/color] [color=#000000]But everyone already knows it![/color] [color=#000000]Too bad. They'll have to wait until RotJ.[/color] [color=#000000]Fine. *Ahem* Marcus is too busy ogling Princess Lee, making everyone who has seen RotJ gag as they know of a certain connection between the two.[/color] [color=#000000]LEE: Aren't you a bit short for a stomptrooper?[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: Aren't you a bit flat for a princess?[/color] [color=#000000]LEE: (bristling) Who do you think you are?[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: (pulling off his helmet) I'm Marcus Streetwalker, I'm here to rescue you.[/color] [color=#000000]LEE: Please tell me this is a joke.[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: I'm here to rescue you! I've got your R2 unit, I'm here with Been-There McNobi![/color] [color=#000000]LEE: (groaning) Oh my god, you're serious. This is his idea of a rescue?[/color] [color=#000000]Fed up, Marcus grabs Lee and drags her from the room, complaining the entire way.[/color] [color=#000000]INT. DEADLY STAR - CONFERENCE ROOM[/color] [color=#000000]Darth Vacuous stands at one end of a table, addressing Tarpin.[/color] [color=#000000]VACUOUS: He is here.[/color] [color=#000000]TARPIN: Ob-Ewan McNobi? What makes you think so?[/color] [color=#000000]VACUOUS: Because we have to have a plot.[/color] [color=#000000]TARPIN: Surely you must be mistaken. Plotlines are extinct, replaced by special effects and CGI characters. You, my friend, are all that remains of that ancient religon.[/color] [color=#000000]The commlink buzzes quietly. Tarpin activates it.[/color] [color=#000000]TARPIN: Yes?[/color] [color=#000000]VOICE OVER INTERCOM: We have an emergency situation in detention area AA-twenty-three.[/color] [color=#000000]TARPIN: The princess? Put all sectors on alert![/color] [color=#000000]VOICE: Uh... how do I that?[/color] [color=#000000]TARPIN: What? Who is this?[/color] [color=#000000]VOICE: Uh, Ensign Ricky, sir. It's my first day.[/color] [color=#000000]TARPIN: (sighing) There should be a big red button next to your right hand. Push it.[/color] [color=#000000]Alarms and sirens begin blaring all over the Deadly Star.[/color] [color=#000000]COMPUTER VOICE: Thank you for activating the self-destruct sequence. This station will self-destruct in twenty seconds.[/color] [color=#000000]TARPIN: No, your other right![/color] [color=#000000]The alarms shut off.[/color] [color=#000000]VOICE: (sheepishly) Sorry, sir.[/color] [color=#000000]Tarpin irritably slaps off the intercom.[/color] [color=#000000]TARPIN: (muttering) I told them they needed to raise the minimum IQ to join the army, but do they listen? Noooooo...[/color] [color=#000000]VACUOUS: Ob-Ewan is here. The plot is with him.[/color] [color=#000000]TARPIN: What? Oh, right. If you're right, he must not be allowed to escape.[/color] [color=#000000]VACUOUS: (with genuine menace) He will not escape. I must face him, alone.[/color] [color=#000000]His black cape trailing behind him, Darth Vacuous storms from the conference room, his armored form the embodiment of evil.[/color] [color=#000000]Except for the KICK ME sign still taped to his back[/color] [color=#000000]DEADLY STAR DETENTION AREA[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS SEE THAT THE STOMPTROOPERS ARE ABOUT TO COME THROUGH THE ELEVATOR DOOR TELLS CHUNKY TO GET READY[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS( Yelling at chunky ): Get behind me! Its time to rock n roll baby!!![/color] [color=#000000]THE DOOR EXPLODES AND THE STOMPTROOPERS STARTS TO FIRE THEIR WEAPONS. HANDS RETURN THE FIRE IN KIND BUT NOT WITHOUT HELP FROM HIS FRIENDS.[/color] [color=#000000]AS THE BATTLE RAGES ON..[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: C'mon fall back[/color] [color=#000000]RIPLEY: Medical, get to medical[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS IS FIRING WILDLY WITH CHUNKY RIGHT NEXT TO HIM AND VASQUEZ TO THE FAR LEFT[/color] [color=#000000]HUDSON: Mutha****a!!, C'mon! come and get it baby. yeah! c'mon you bast**ds. Take some of this!! Oh, you want some of this too, ***k you !![/color] [color=#000000]A STOMPTROOPER BREAKES OPEN THE FLOOR UNDER HUDSON AND TRIES TO PULL HIM DOWN[/color] [color=#000000]HUDSON( While strugglin violently ): Arrhhhggg...***K YOU !!!!! HE FIRES HIS LASER WEAPON THROUGH THE FLOOR BUT THE SHEER NUMBER OF STOMPTROOPERS IS TOO MUCH FOR EVEN HIM[/color] [color=#000000]HUDSON( Screamin ): HANDS !!!!![/color] [color=#000000]HANDS While grabbing Hudson's arm to try to pull him up ) HUDSON!!!!![/color] [color=#000000]HUDSON( With the stomptroopers finally pulling him down): Save meeeeeeeeeeee ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh[/color] [color=#000000]A STOMPTROOPER LEAPS OVER HANDS BUT HE CATCHES THE ENEMY A POINT BLANK RANGE WITH HIS LASER RIFLE.[/color] [color=#000000]HE GETS TO CONTINUE THE FIGHT[/color] [color=#000000]VASQUEZ: C'mon Hands, move!!![/color] [color=#000000]HANDS RUNS TO THE BACK PART OF THE HALLWAY. CHUNKY IS STILL DOING HIS PART TO HOLD OFF THE ENENMIES WHILE MARCUS AND PRINCESS LEE COMES OUT OF THE CELL.[/color] [color=#000000]PRINCESS LEE: Looks like you manage to cut off our only escape route..[/color] [color=#000000]RIPLEY: **** !! I'll say he has, Burk ! Open this door!! Burk?! Open it !![/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: Maybe you would like back in your cell your highness. Marcus! please tell this b**ch to shut the ***k up, I cant concentrate on being a hero with this broad flappin her gums!!![/color] [color=#000000]MORE BLASTER FIRE PENETRATES THE HALL. MEANWHILE VASQUEZ USES GRENADE LAUNCHERS TO KEEP SOME MORE STOMPTROOPERS AT BAY. SHE SOON RUNS BACK TO JOIN OUR HEROES[/color] [color=#000000]PRINCESS LEE: This is some rescue! You mean you dont even have a plan for an escape?![/color] [color=#000000]WHACK !!![/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: You still talkin?! B**ch, what the ***k I just told you..[/color] [color=#000000]WHACK[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: Hey, Hands. Take it easy on her. Shes only tryin to help[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: Hes the brains.. sweetheart!!![/color] [color=#000000]PRINCESS LEE THEN GRABS MARCUS' LASER BLASTER AND TELLS VAZQUEZ, WHO WAS MAKING A WAY OUT WITH THE MINI BLOWTORCH SHE WAS USING, TO MOVE OUT THE WAY. SHE THEN BLASTES A BIG GIANT HOLE IN THE WALL[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: What the hell are you doing?!!![/color] [color=#000000]PRINCESS LEE: Never send a SON to do a MOTHER'S job.[/color] [color=#000000]THE PRINCESS STARTS TO FIRE AT THE TROOPERS WHO WAS CAUGHT UNPREPARED FOR THE PRECISION AND STYLE OF THE WARRIOR MAIDEN ATTACK.[/color] [color=#000000]PRINCESS LEE( Yelling at hands ): Get in the chute fly boy!!![/color] [color=#000000]BEFORE THE PRINCESS JUMPS IN, RIPLEY JUMPS IN FRONT OF HER YELLIN IN THE HOLE[/color] [color=#000000]RIPLEY: Newt! Hang on baby!!![/color] [color=#000000]VOICE OF NEWT: Riiiiiipleyyyyyyyyyyyyy[/color] [color=#000000]RIPLEY: Dont let go!!! I'm coming !!!![/color] [color=#000000]SHE THEN JUMPS IN THE CHUTE. PRINCESS LEE LOOKS AT MARCUS WITH A LOOK OF CONFUSION[/color] [color=#000000]PRINCESS LEE: Who was that woman?![/color] [color=#000000]SHE JUMPS IN, LEAVING MARCUS, CHUNKY AND HANDS STILL FIGHTING. CHUNKY LOOKS AT THE HOLE AND LETS OUT A ROAR OF DISAPPROVAL[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: Get in there you big hairy oaf, I dont care what you smell[/color] [color=#000000]HE KICKS HIM DOWN THE CHUTE[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS( While still firing at the troopers ): Marcus?!!, If we ever get out of here alive, I swear to God, im gonna tear a new frame out your a** for talkin me into this.[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS( While jumpin down the chute ): But at least you'll get the moneeeeeeeyyyyyyyy[/color] [color=#000000]SOON AFTERWARDS, HANDS JUMPS IN[/color] [color=#000000]INT. DEADLY STAR - DAYCARE CENTER - BALL ROOM[/color] [color=#000000]Hands falls into a large room filled with hundreds of multi-colored balls. Chunky is pulling at a door, which doesn't budge.[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: Now we're in the daycare center! Wonderful idea, princess! Chunky, get out of the way![/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: No, wait![/color] [color=#000000]Hands fires his blaster. It bounces off the door and ricochets around the room, making everyone duck for cover.[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: Would you forget it? I already tried, it's childproof.[/color] [color=#000000]Princess Lee climbs out of the balls with an angry expression on her face.[/color] [color=#000000]Whack[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: Ow![/color] [color=#000000]LEE: Put that thing away, you're going to get us all killed![/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: You want a piece of me, woman?[/color] [color=#000000]LEE: Anytime, hotshot.[/color] [color=#000000]Hands swings at Lee. Lee deftly sidesteps the punch, grabs his hand, and with a quick twist, sends him slamming into the wall.[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: (laughing) Dude, you just got your @ss kicked by a girl.[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: (grumbling) It could be worse.[/color] [color=#000000]High-pitched, childish giggling works its way up from underneath the balls. Marcus and Hands point their guns down at the ground.[/color] [color=#000000]LEE: It's worse.[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: Something just moved past my leg![/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: Where?[/color] [color=#000000]Marcus is suddenly pulled under the balls.[/color] [color=#000000]LEE: Marcus! Marcus![/color] [color=#000000]Marcus surfaces with a gasp of air and thrashing limbs. A toddler has his arms wrapped around Marcus' neck, and two more cling to his arms.[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: Blast 'em, will you!? My gun's jammed![/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: But they're just kids![/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: I don't care! Kill them![/color] [color=#000000]He is pulled back under. Hands starts firing his gun blindly into the balls. Suddenly, a loud mechanical clank is heard. Gasping, Marcus surfaces. The children are nowhere in sight.[/color] [color=#000000]LEE: What happened?[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: I don't know, they just let go of me![/color] [color=#000000]Before anyone can say anything else, more balls begin pouring into the room.[/color] [color=#000000]LEE: They're filling it with more balls![/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: We'll be buried alive![/color] [color=#000000]Our heroes try to stay on the top, but the ball level steadily rises. Soon, it is up to their elbows.[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: Wait a minute! (he pulls out his comlink) Stinky-O! Come in! man it, Stinky-O, where the hell are you?![/color]  [/quote]