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[quote=study3600][color=#000000]INT. MILLENIUM FOUNTAIN - COCKPIT[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: Wow, that was a big bug.[/color] [color=#000000]He turns on the windshield wipers.[/color] [color=#000000]EXT. HOT - ICE SLOPE - STILL DAY[/color] [color=#000000]Marcus gets up off the ground and shakes a fist at the retreating starship.[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: Get some altitude, you maniac![/color] [color=#000000]He shakes his head and runs over to his X-Wing, where Artoo is waiting in his little cubbyhole. (hey, that's what they call it in the script)[/color] [color=#000000]ARTOO: Hey, you wanna hurry up a little? There's still a frikkin army behind you, ya know.[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: Don't worry, Artoo. We're going, we're going. (muttering) I need to have that translator disabled.[/color] [color=#000000]ARTOO: What was that?[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: Nothing.[/color] [color=#000000]EXT. SPACE - MARCUS' X-WING[/color] [color=#000000]Marcus' fighter streaks through the surprisingly Imperial-free space around Hot. He suddenly banks sharply, away from the direction the other ships are taking.[/color] [color=#000000]ARTOO: What the hell is this, a sight-seeing tour?[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: There's nothing wrong, Artoo. Just setting a new course.[/color] [color=#000000]ARTOO: Does this mean we don't have to meet up with those losers again?[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: We're not going to regroup with the others.[/color] [color=#000000]ARTOO: YES![/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: We're going to the Dayglobah system.[/color] [color=#000000]ARTOO: YIP- wait a minute, you lost me. Why the hell are we going to that dump?[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: I wouldn't expect a mechanical to understand. It's a Force thing.[/color] [color=#000000]Haunting Force music starts up.[/color] [color=#000000]ARTOO: Stop that, stop it![/color] [color=#000000]The music grinds to a halt.[/color] [color=#000000]ARTOO: Now look, I ain't going to no bloody swamp. Geez, and I thought the Rebels were stupid. You have to take the cake. I'm surprised you can even fly. Just give me control of the fighter, and no one gets hurt.[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: That's okay, Artoo. I'd like to keep it on manual control for awhile.[/color] [color=#000000]The control board beeps.[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: That's strange. The computer's trying to activate my ejection seat. Must be a malfunction.[/color] [color=#000000]He locks it down.[/color] [color=#000000]ARTOO: (mumbling) Stupid safety overrides.[/color] [color=#000000]EXT. SPACE - MILLENIUM FOUNTAIN[/color] [color=#000000]The Millenium Fountain speeds away from Hot, followed by an Imperious Star Whacker and four tiny BOWTIE fighters.[/color] [color=#000000]INT. MILLENIUM FOUNTAIN - COCKPIT[/color] [color=#000000]Inside the cockpit, Chunky lets out a loud howl. Hands is trying to fly the ship with one hand while using the other to tear up duct tape to tape back down control panels that have been jarred loose by the barrage of laser blasts.[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: Where's the damn sensor panel?![/color] [color=#000000]Lee bends down and picks up a panel off the floor.[/color] [color=#000000]LEE: Is this it?[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: Yeah. (he looks at it) Oh, great. Two more of them, coming right at us.[/color] [color=#000000]Stinky-O, who up until now has been sitting silently in the back, speaks up, his voice a dull monotone.[/color] [color=#000000]STINKY-O: Good. They can finish us off and put us all out of our misery.[/color] [color=#000000]Hands looks curiously at Stinky-O.[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: What did you do to him?[/color] [color=#000000]LEE: Disabled his motivator. I thought it would shut him up.[/color] [color=#000000]STINKY-O: Would you like me to shut off the shields? It'll be faster that way.[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: Oh, great, now we got a clinically depressed droid on our hands. Well, we can still ignore him.[/color] [color=#000000]Stinky-O hits the switch to turn off the shields. However, the switch is mislabeled, and he kicks in the dorsal thrusters.[/color] [color=#000000]EXT. SPACE[/color] [color=#000000]The Millenium Fountain suddenly dives straight down, closely followed by the BOWTIE fighters. The Star Whacker continues on a collision course with the other two Star Whackers.[/color] [color=#000000]INT. STAR WHACKER - BRIDGE[/color] [color=#000000]CAPTAIN: Take evasive action![/color] [color=#000000]The crewers look at each other, shrug, and dive for cover underneath their work stations.[/color] [color=#000000]CAPTAIN: No, you idiots, the ship, move the ship![/color] [color=#000000]The helmsman looks out the viewport, where the two oncoming Star Whackers are flashing their brights and honking.[/color] [color=#000000]HELMSMAN: Oh, crap![/color] [color=#000000]It's too late. The three Star Whackers collide, sending everyone on the bridge reeling.[/color] [color=#000000]INT. MILLENIUM FOUNTAIN - COCKPIT[/color] [color=#000000]The battered pirate ship races away from the three Star Whackers busy exchanging insurance information. BOWTIE fighters still in pursuit fire laserbolts. Things have calmed down a bit, but the race is still on.[/color] [color=#000000]Stinky-O is still staring sadly at the mislabeled switch.[/color] [color=#000000]STINKY-O: Doesn't anything on this bloody spaceship work?[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: Prepare to make the jump to lightspeed![/color] [color=#000000](Stinky-O sighs softly in the background.)[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: What?[/color] [color=#000000]STINKY-O: Nothing. You'll see.[/color] [color=#000000]LEE: Forget about the droid, those ships are getting closer![/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: Oh, yeah? Watch this![/color] [color=#000000](He pulls a lever and the radio comes on.)[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: No, uh, I mean watch *this*![/color] [color=#000000](He pulls another lever and his chair reclines.)[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: No, um . . . aw, shoot. It's around here somewhere.[/color] [color=#000000]LEE: Oh, for pete's sake.[/color] [color=#000000](She pulls the hyperdrive lever. Nothing happens.)[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: Watch what?[/color] [color=#000000]LEE: I think we're in trouble.[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: Why, because you pulled the wrong lever? Not as easy as it looks, is it?[/color] [color=#000000]LEE: No, I pulled the right lever! Something must be wrong with the hyperdrive![/color] [color=#000000](Stinky-O sighs again. Slowly, Hands and Lee turn to regard him.)[/color] [color=#000000]STINKY-O: By the way, I noticed the hyperdrive motivator has been damaged. Not that I blame it. I mean, with the situation we're in, who wouldn't get depressed?[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: We're in trouble![/color] [color=#000000]EXT. SPACE - MILLENIUM FOUNTAIN - BOWTIE FIGHTERS[/color] [color=#000000](The Millenium Fountain races through space, four BOWTIE fighters and an Imperious Star Whacker in close pursuit.)[/color] [color=#000000]INT. MILLENIUM FOUNTAIN - HOLD[/color] [color=#000000](Hands is inside a pit, working furiously at a control panel while giving various orders to Chunky.)[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: Horizontal boosters!? Alluvial dampers!?[/color] [color=#000000](Stinky-O walks up.)[/color] [color=#000000]STINKY-O: Captain Solo, where are the shield generators?[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: Back there. Why?[/color] [color=#000000]STINKY-O: Just trying to speed things up a bit.[/color] [color=#000000](He picks up a blaster, checks the charge, and walks to where Hands indicated. Hands is already yelling at Chunky again, totally ignoring Stinky-O.)[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: No, that's not it! Bring me the hydroplanner! Er, the microspanner! I mean, the . . . uh . . . that thingy over there![/color] [color=#000000](Chunky hands it to him.)[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: Don't know how we're going to get out of this one.[/color] [color=#000000](A sudden blast rocks the ship. We hear a blaster shot followed by a metallic clatter off-screen. A moment later, we hear Stinky-O sighing.)[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: Ow! Chunky, I lost a contact lens! I can't see![/color] [color=#000000](Another blast rocks the ship.)[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: Agh! There goes the other one![/color] [color=#000000]INT. MILLENIUM FOUNTAIN - COCKPIT[/color] [color=#000000]LEE: Hands, get up here![/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: (over comm) Why? I'm busy![/color] [color=#000000]LEE: Because I don't know how to fly, you moron! No one's flying the ship!![/color] [color=#000000](There is a brief pause, followed by a scuffling sound. A moment later Hands bursts into the cockpit, trips over a loose control panel, and falls flat on his face.)[/color] [color=#000000]LEE: Well, I feel much better now that you're here.[/color] [color=#000000](Hands get up and gets back in the pilot seat. Hundreds of asteroids fly around outside the window.)[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: Chunky, set two-one-seven.[/color] [color=#000000]LEE: What?! You're not actually taking us into an asteroid field?[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: . . . asteroids?[/color] [color=#000000](He squints and looks out the window.)[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: Oh, ****![/color] [color=#000000](Stinky-O walks into the cockpit holding his blaster.)[/color] [color=#000000]STINKY-O: Do we have any more power packs for this? I missed.[/color] [color=#000000]LEE: Missed what?[/color] [color=#000000]STINKY-O: Nothing important.[/color] [color=#000000](He looks out the window and actually cheers up a bit.)[/color] [color=#000000]STINKY-O: Asteroids? Good, that should finish us off pretty quickly. Want to know the odds?[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: No.[/color] [color=#000000]STINKY-O: Three thousand seven hundred and twenty to one.[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: I said don't tell me the odds![/color] [color=#000000]EXT. ASTEROID BELT - MILLENIUM FOUNTAIN[/color] [color=#000000](A large asteroid tumbles away from the Fountain's path. The tiny ship veers out of its path just in time to run smack into another one. It bounces off and hits three more asteroids before recovering. One of the TIE pilots tries to duplicate the manuever, but since only the main characters survive in this thread, he blows up rather nicely.)[/color] [color=#000000]INT. MILLENIUM FOUNTAIN - COCKPIT[/color] [color=#000000](Hands is squinting out the viewport. Lee and Chunky are yelling at him.)[/color] [color=#000000]LEE: Would you put on your glasses?![/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: No! They make me look like a dofus![/color] [color=#000000](The ship shakes as they hit another asteroid.)[/color] [color=#000000]LEE: PUT THEM ON!![/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: All right, fine! Give 'em here.[/color] [color=#000000]LEE: What do you mean, "give 'em here"? I don't have them.[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: Well, I don't have them![/color] [color=#000000]LEE: Well, where are they?[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: I don't know! They were right on the dashboard![/color] [color=#000000]LEE: They're not there now![/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: You said you wanted to be around when I made a mistake. Well, this could be it, sweetheart.[/color] [color=#000000]LEE: I never said that.[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: Yes, you did.[/color] [color=#000000]LEE: Well I take it back![/color] [color=#000000](Another asteroid hits the ship.)[/color] [color=#000000]CHUNKY: Rowg rough rowwra gragh!! (subtitled: Shut the **** up and fly the goddamn ship!)[/color] [color=#000000]STINKY-O: (casually) You know, we're going to get pulverized if we stay out here much longer. Then we'll be burned, crushed, ground into a thousand pieces and blasted into oblivion.[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS, LEE, AND CHUNKY: SHUT UP![/color] [color=#000000]STINKY-O: If we weren't all about to die, I'd take offense at that.[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: We're not going to die![/color] [color=#000000]STINKY-O: Oh, yeah? Look up.[/color] [color=#000000](They all look out the viewport, where they're moments away from crashing into the mother of all asteroids.)[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: (squinting) What? I don't see anything.[/color] [color=#000000]LEE: Pull up![/color] [color=#000000](She grabs the control yoke and yanks it back. Chunky yells in terror and covers his face. Stinky-O throws up his arms like he's on a roller coaster.)[/color] [color=#000000]STINKY-O: Wheeeeeeee!![/color] [color=#000000]EXT. SPACE - ASTEROID[/color] [color=#000000](The Fountain pulls up just in time, its belly scraping the asteroid. The other TIEs can't pull up in time and crash into it.)[/color] [color=#000000]INT. MILLENIUM FOUNTAIN - COCKPIT[/color] [color=#000000]LEE: We made it![/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: What did I tell you? This ship can make it past anything.[/color] [color=#000000](A burst of sparks from a control panel, and all the lights die.)[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: Uh-oh.[/color] [color=#000000]EXT. SPACE - ASTEROID[/color] [color=#000000](Without warning, the engines cut out. The ship plummets like a rock, falls into a hole, and bounces around inside the tunnel until finally coming to a rest.)[/color] [color=#000000]INT. MILLENIUM FOUNTAIN - COCKPIT[/color] [color=#000000](Hands, Lee, Chunky, and Stinky-O sit in a dazed shock. Slowly, Stinky-O reaches under his seat and pulls out Hands' glasses.)[/color] [color=#000000]STINKY-O: By the way, were you looking for these earlier?[/color] [color=#000000]EXT. SPACE - MARCUS' X-WING[/color] [color=#000000](The tiny X-wing speeds toward the planet of Dayglobah.)[/color] [color=#000000]INT. MARCUS' X-WING - COCKPIT[/color] [color=#000000]ARTOO: So this is what you dragged us halfway across the galaxy for.[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: Yes, that's it. Dayglobah.[/color] [color=#000000]ARTOO: So how do you plan to find this Yoga character? Hope to set down less than a hundred yards away from his house by blind luck?[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: It's a Force thing. I wouldn't expect a mechanical to understand.[/color] [color=#000000](Haunting Force music starts up again.)[/color] [color=#000000]ARTOO: Stop that, stop it! I told you not to do that! Besides, you don't think it's dangerous for droids, do you?[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: Oh, it's deadly for droids. Dayglobans torture and kill every droid they lay eyes on. They're renowned all over the galaxy. Man, they sure do hate droids...[/color] [color=#000000]ARTOO: Very funny.[/color] [color=#000000](Marcus takes the fighter into the atmosphere. Immediately the X-wing is enveloped in thick fog.)[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: All the scopes are dead, I can't see a thing![/color] [color=#000000]ARTOO: The scopes are dead. Long live the scopes.[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: Would you do something! We're going to crash![/color] [color=#000000]ARTOO: Well, I'd use the Force, but I'm just a foot-shuffling, head-scratching mechanical. I'm ig'nant 'a such things, massa.[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: Screw you. I'm gonna try to start the landing cycle.[/color] [color=#000000]ARTOO: Sho' sounds like a good idea, massa. Lawd yes, nothin' like a good landin' cycle to spruce up 'da mawnin.' Less land on sumthin,' Gawd-a-mighty![/color] [color=#000000](Marcus reaches up and rubs his eyes.)[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: This Yoga better be worth it.[/color] [color=#000000](A loud crash jolts Marcus out of his contemplation. It sounds like his ship has just hit a tree branch and a rather unhappy squirrel that was in the tree branch at the time. More trees snap as the X-wing barrels through them.)[/color] [color=#000000]ARTOO: Ow! Ouch! Ptuu! Hey, that was a pine tree, now I've got sap all over me![/color] [color=#000000](Marcus grins and points the ship at a large oak branch barely visible ahead.)[/color] [color=#000000]ARTOO: Now if we could just avoid any further foliage, we can-[/color] [color=#000000]*Whack*[/color] [color=#000000]ARTOO: OW! You did that on purpose![/color] [color=#000000](Marcus snickers under his breath. A moment later, the entire spacescraft jolts as it comes to a stop. Water washes up over the canopy as Marcus, having forgotten to fasten his restraints, flies headfirst into it.)[/color] [color=#000000]*Whack*[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: Ow![/color] [color=#000000](Artoo snickers under his breath.)[/color] [color=#000000]EXT. DAYGLOBAH - DUSK[/color] [color=#000000](The mist-shrouded X-wing fighter is almost invisible in the thick fog. Marcus climbs out somewhat woozily onto the nose of the starfighter, while Artoo works himself out of his cubbyhole.)[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: (dizzily) Hey. . . someone stop the swamp, I wanna get off. . .[/color] [color=#000000](Marcus staggers, falls back into Artoo, and knocks the droid over the edge.)[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: Artoo? (peers into the water) Artoo? Where'd you go?[/color] [color=#000000](A periscope pops up, bleeping angrily.)[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: You be more careful.[/color] [color=#000000](Artoo bleeps a string of profanity-laden binary code.)[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: Uh . . . sorry, forgot to bring the portable translator. Maybe later, buddy.[/color] [color=#000000](With a final electronic sigh, Artoo starts heading to shore. He hasn't gotten two feet, though, before a giant bog monster swallows him. Boy, who saw that one coming?)[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: Artoo? (looks around once or twice) Eh, good riddance.[/color] [color=#000000](Marcus jumps into the water and heads for shore. As he is making a rather futile attempt to dry himself off, PHHEEWAAT! (Honest. Read the script.) The runt-sized robot is spit out of the water, makes a graceful arc, and lands on Marcus.)[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: OW! GET OFF ME![/color] [color=#000000](Artoo beeps contentedly, making no move to get off Marcus.)[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: (weakly) If you're saying coming here was a bad idea, I'm beginning to agree with you.[/color] [color=#000000](Artoo beeps to get Marcus' attention. As soon as Marcus looks at him, Artoo spits a lungful of swamp water in his face.)[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: (wiping mud out of his eyes) Maybe I'm just going crazy.[/color] [color=#000000](Artoo spits up the rock he was saving, and nails Marcus between the eyes.)[/color] [color=#000000]INT. VACUOUS' STAR WHACKER - VACUOUS' CHAMBER[/color] [color=#000000](Admiral Piett hesitates in the doorway to Vacuous' chambers. After a moment he steps into the room and pauses at the surprising sight before him.)[/color] [color=#000000](Darth Vacuous, his back turned, is on the far side of the chamber. Vacuous' uncovered head is exposed, and the back of his neck is a mess of scar tissue. Standing next to him is a hispanic hairdresser with a lisp.)[/color] [color=#000000]HAIRDRESSER: Honey, who did this to you? It's just plain nasty.[/color] [color=#000000]VACUOUS: I was dropped into a pit of lava by my former master.[/color] [color=#000000]HAIRDRESSER: Yeah, that'll do it. Okay Miss Vacuous, we're gonna try some eyeshadow, because the more attention we draw away from the rest of your face, the better, am I right?[/color] [color=#000000](He starts to laugh, then suddenly begins to choke.)[/color] [color=#000000]VACUOUS: I want a fair complexion, not excuses.[/color] [color=#000000](Piett clears his throat. Vacuous quickly releases the hairdresser, puts on his helmet and turns around.)[/color] [color=#000000]VACUOUS: (struggling to act casual) Yes, Admiral?[/color] [color=#000000]PIETT: Our ships have spotted the Millenium Fountain, lord. But . . . it has entered an asteroid field, and we cannot risk--[/color] [color=#000000]VACUOUS: Asteroids do not concern me, Admiral.[/color] [color=#000000]PIETT: Well, yeah, but these are *really* big ones. I mean *huge*.[/color] [color=#000000]VACUOUS: Well, okay, the big ones concern me a little. But not the small ones.[/color] [color=#000000]PIETT: Okay, but how do we know which are big ones, and which are small ones? I mean, are we talking about a mile-wide here, or is the cutoff somewhere more around--[/color] [color=#000000](Vacuous hits a button on his chair, and a pit opens up right behind Piett.)[/color] [color=#000000]PIETT: (hurridly) Use my best judgement. Got it.[/color] [color=#000000](He dashes out of the room before Vacuous can hit another button.)[/color] [color=#000000]EXT. ASTEROID CAVE - MILLENIUM FOUNTAIN[/color] [color=#000000](The pirate starship rests in a dark, dripping asteroid cave. It is so dark that the cave's exact dimensions are impossible to determine.)[/color] [color=#000000]INT. MILLENIUM FOUNTAIN - COCKPIT[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: I'm going to shut down everything but the emergency power systems.[/color] [color=#000000]LEE: The emergency power systems broke down, remember?[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: Oh. In that case, I'm going to shut everything down.[/color] [color=#000000]STINKY-O: Does this mean you'll shut me down as well? Well, it's not quite the same as having my miserable existence terminated for all eternity, but I guess it'll have to do--[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: No, I need you to talk to the Fountain, see what's wrong with the hyperdrive.[/color] [color=#000000]STINKY-O: You've got to be kidding me.[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: Nope.[/color] [color=#000000]STINKY-O: Human beings aren't capable of surviving explosive decompression, are they?[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: No. Why?[/color] [color=#000000]STINKY-O: Just curious.[/color] [color=#000000](He leaves the cockpit, stopping to grab a blowtorch before exiting. Chunky follows him.)[/color] [color=#000000](Suddenly, the cabin lurches, throwing Lee into Hands' arms. They both fall into the pilot's chair, which reclines and hits a switch on the way down, dimming the lights and turning on Barry White music. Then, abruptly, the motion stops as suddenly as it started. With some surprise, Lee realizes she's on top of Hands.)[/color] [color=#000000]LEE: Let go of me.[/color] [color=#000000](She flushes, averting her eyes. She's not exactly fighting to get free, if you know what I mean. Hands, his face inches away from hers, is peering at her with a strange intensity.)[/color] [color=#000000]LEE: What?[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: I never noticed all those little wrinkles on your face before. . .[/color] [color=#000000]*Whack*[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: Hey! Don't get all excited![/color] [color=#000000]LEE: (getting up) Please, lying on top of you isn't nearly enough to get me excited.[/color] [color=#000000]HANDS: Sorry. I didn't have time for anything else.[/color] [color=#000000](He flashes her a devilish grin, turns to exit, and walks straight into the door.)[/color] [color=#000000]LEE: Told you to keep those glasses on.[/color] [color=#000000]EXT. DAYGLOBAH - BOG CLEARING - DUSK[/color] [color=#000000](The mist has dispersed a bit, but it is still a very gloomy-looking swamp. Marcus carries an equipment box from the shore to the clearing. Artoo rolls over and nudges him.)[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: Why? Ready for some power? Okay, let's see now. (he plugs a power cable into Artoo's socket) There you go.[/color] [color=#000000](He turns his back. Artoo extends a pair of pinchers, pulls out the power cord, and tosses it into the puddle Marcus is standing in. Luckily, Marcus steps out at the last minute, going over to grab a container of processed food.)[/color] [color=#000000]ARTOO: Bweep burp. (translation: Damn!)[/color] [color=#000000](Marcus doesn't notice any of this and goes over to sit next to the thermal heater.)[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: Now I all have to do is find this Yoga . . . if he even exists. (nervously, he looks around the foreboding jungle) This place gives me the creeps.[/color] [color=#000000](Occupied with studying his surroundings, Marcus doesn't notice Artoo slowly creeping up behind him, tiny power saw extended.)[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: Still . . . there's something familiar about this place. I mean, add another sun, drain the swamp, fill it full of sand, kill all the plants, raise the temperature a billion degrees and drop the humidity, and it would almost look like Patootie. The resemblance is really uncanny. I don't know. I feel like . . .[/color] [color=#000000]STRANGE VOICE: Feel like what?[/color] [color=#000000](Marcus jumps up, knocking over Artoo just before his saw intersected with the back of Marcus' head. Mysteriously standing in front of Marcus is a strange creature not more than two feet tall who looks a hell of a lot like Yoga from Episode I. It covers its face.)[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: Well, right now I feel like a decent meal and a shower, but that's not the point. Who the hell are you?[/color] [color=#000000]CREATURE: Away put your weapon! I mean you no harm.[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: What? Oh, you mean put my weapon away.[/color] [color=#000000]CREATURE: Said that I did.[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: What the hell kind of speech impediment is that? You're talking backwards.[/color] [color=#000000]CREATURE: This problem, a long time have I had. I am wondering, why are you here?[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: I'm looking for someone.[/color] [color=#000000]CREATURE: Looking? Found someone you have, I would say, hmmm?[/color] [color=#000000](He laughs.)[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: Riiiiight. Look, Shorty, I'm looking for a great warrior.[/color] [color=#000000]CREATURE: Great warrior? Hah! Wars not make one great. Except for Shaft. Bad muthaf***a was he, mmmm, bad muthaf***a.[/color] [color=#000000](Yoga- I mean, the creature, notices Marcus' dinner and takes a bite.)[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: Put that down! Now . . . Hey! My dinner that is! I mean, that's my dinner! Oh, great, now you've got me talking backwards![/color] [color=#000000](The creature spits out the bite he's taken and makes a face.)[/color] [color=#000000]CREATURE: How you get so big, eating food of this kind? Hormones, take you?[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: Listen, friend, we didn't mean to land in that puddle, and-[/color] [color=#000000]CREATURE: Steriods, then?[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: NO! That's it, I'm outta here as soon as I get my ship out.[/color] [color=#000000]CREATURE: (teasing) Aw, can't get your ship out?[/color] [color=#000000](He starts rummaging through one of Marcus' supply cases.)[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: Hey, get out of there![/color] [color=#000000]INT. TURRET ROOM - NUHBOO PALACE - LATE DAY[/color] [color=#000000]Ob-Ewan kneels as Yoga paces in front of him.[/color] [color=#000000]YOGA: Confer on you the level of Jedi Knight, the council does.[/color] [color=#000000]OB-EWAN: Okay, you know what? I don't know if anyone's ever mentioned this to you before, but you talk really weird.[/color] [color=#000000]YOGA: Talk perfectly normal, I do.[/color] [color=#000000]OB-EWAN: Your sentences are all inverted. You switch around your prepositional phrase and your imperative.[/color] [color=#000000]YOGA: Know what you mean, I do not.[/color] [color=#000000]OB-EWAN: Here, try this. Say, 'The boy may be the Chosen One.'[/color] [color=#000000]YOGA: The Chosen One, the boy may be.[/color] [color=#000000]OB-EWAN: Okay, now say, 'The Chosen One, the boy may be.'[/color] [color=#000000]YOGA: Inverted, that is.[/color] [color=#000000]OB-EWAN: Yeah, I know, just say it.[/color] [color=#000000]YOGA: The boy may be the Chosen One.[/color] [color=#000000]OB-EWAN: (laughing) That's hilarious! You're really messed up, you know that?[/color] [color=#000000]YOGA: Cut the crap you will! Need it, I do not. Talk about the boy, we must. Grave danger do I sense in his training.[/color] [color=#000000]Ob-Ewan keeps laughing.[/color] [color=#000000]YOGA: (cont) Stop laughing you must! (he sighs) Li-Gon's defiance, I sense in you. Your apprentice, young Streetwalker will be.[/color] [color=#000000]Ob-Ewan stops laughing.[/color] [color=#000000]OB-EWAN: WHAT?!? I don't want to train that little punk! Train him yourself![/color] [color=#000000]YOGA: (chuckling) Better than that, you should know. Mess with me, you should not.[/color] [color=#000000]OB-EWAN: This is because I made fun of your talking, isn't it?[/color] [color=#000000]YOGA: Oh, yeah.[/color] [color=#000000]OB-EWAN: Don't you mean, 'Yeah, oh'?[/color] [color=#000000]Whack[/color] [color=#000000](Yoga- I mean, the creature, starts rummaging through Marcus' containers and tossing things out left and right.)[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: Hey, you could have broken this! Ohhh, you're making a mess.[/color] [color=#000000](Suddenly, Yog- er, the creat- oh, you all know who it is. Yoga spots Artoo and runs over with a cup. He tries pushing some of the buttons on Artoo and holding out his cup, but nothing happens.)[/color] [color=#000000]YOGA: Pumped, this keg needs to be. Nothing am I getting.[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: Hey, let go of him![/color] [color=#000000](Yoga wraps his arms around Artoo.)[/color] [color=#000000]YOGA: Mine! Or I will help you not![/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: I don't want you help, I want my astro- actually, on second thought, keep the stupid droid. Just leave me alone.[/color] [color=#000000](Artoo beeps angrily at this and starts trying to roll away, dragging Yoga after him.)[/color] [color=#000000]YOGA: Mine! Mine![/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: Oh, Artoo, let him have you.[/color] [color=#000000]YOGA: Mine! Mine![/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: Artoo![/color] [color=#000000](Artoo spits another lungful of swamp water on top of Yoga. Yoga coughs and lets go, trying to lick the muck off his face.)[/color] [color=#000000]YOGA: Yech! How you get so drunk, drinking swill of this kind?[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: It's not beer, and you're not welcome here, so why don't you pack up and move along, little fella?[/color] [color=#000000]YOGA: No, no. Stay and help you I will. Find your friend.[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: I'm not looking for a friend, I'm looking for-[/color] [color=#000000]YOGA: No friends have you? Hardly surprised I am.[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT! I'm looking for a Jedi Master![/color] [color=#000000]YOGA: Oh, Jedi Master. Me- I mean, Yoga. You seek Yoga.[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: You know him?[/color] [color=#000000]YOGA: Oh, sure. Great pals we are. On Friday evenings we hang together. Chew the fat. Great guy is he. Powerful Jedi. Shabby dresser, though.[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: Do you know where he lives?[/color] [color=#000000]YOGA: Take you to my hou- er, his house I can. But first, we eat. Come. Good food. Come.[/color] [color=#000000](He starts walking off, leaving a stunned Marcus. After a few moments, Marcus shrugs and sits down.)[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: Screw that. I'll find Yoga myself.[/color] [color=#000000](Yoga hobbles back over.)[/color] [color=#000000]YOGA: (waving his hand) Come with me, you will.[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: Come with you, I will.[/color] [color=#000000]YOGA: After the camp, Artoo must stay and watch.[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: Artoo, stay and watch must the camp over.[/color] [color=#000000]YOGA: (sighing) Idiot you are.[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: Am idiot I.[/color] [color=#000000]*Whack*[/color] [color=#000000]MARCUS: Ow![/color] [color=#000000](Yoga hobbles off. Marcus follows, rubbing his head.)[/color]  [/quote]