The Star Wars Humorous Versions
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[quote=study3600][b]SC 84 INT-DEADLY STAR 2:THE SEQUEL[/b] [i]Milton is hard at work in the lower levels rigging the station to blow up. [/i] [b]MILTON: [/b]I'll take care of the Dianoga problem all right....and the Jerryrod problem! [b]SC 85 EXT GINGERBREAD MOON OF ENDORPHIN, CANDY KING'S CASTLE-DAY ^4[/b] [i]The castle is made of two ice-cream cone towers topped with ice cream and chocolate sauce.[/i] [b]SC 86 INT ENDORPHIN-CANDY KING'S CASTLE-HD ULTRADAY[/b] [b]CANDY KING:[/b] Speak, outlander. What brings you to my realm. [b]GENERAL RIKKAN:[/b] I seek safe passage through your territory, O King. [b]CANDY KING:[/b] You bear the insignia of the foul Umpire. I will not allow Umperial Scum to pass through my territory unharmed. [b]GENERAL:[/b] Well I'm from the Rebel Scum Alliance, O King, the Rebel Dance Troop themselves. I betrayed them, but I can go back to them. They pay better anyway, and have a better dental plan. [b]CANDY KING:[/b] So be it, you are Umperial no more. [b]GENERAL RIKKAN:[/b] (To himself) I hope the Rebelliousness takes me back. [b]SC 87 EXT-ENDORPHIN-RIDGE OVERLOOKING CONTROL BUNKER[/b] [i]HANDS, LEE, CHUNKY, the DROIDS, and their TWO CAREBEAR GUIDES, Wicker and Pooploo, have reuinited with the Rebellious strike squad. The entire group is spread through the thick undergrowth. Below them is the BUNKER that leads into the generator. Four Umperial Shortstops, their SPEEDER BIKES parked nearby, keep watch over the bunker entrance. Chunky growls an observation, and Pooploo whispers to Hands.[/i] [b]HANDS:[/b] Back door, huh? Good idea. [i]Wicker and Pooploo continue their whispered conversation.[/i] [b]HANDS:[/b] It's only two guards. This shouldn't be too much trouble. [b]LEE:[/b] There's four guards. [b]HANDS:[/b] (Puts on glasses) Well, shoot. [b]LEE:[/b] It only takes one to sound the alarm. [b]HANDS:[/b] (with self-confident grin) Then we'll do it real quiet-like. [i]The CAREBEARS whisper amongst themselves for a moment, then Pooploo jumps up and scampers into the underbrush.[/i] [i]STINKY-O asks where Pooploo went and Wicker whispers in reply.[/i] [b]STINKY-O:[/b] Princess Lee, watch this. [b]LEE:[/b] Watch what? [b]STINKY-O:[/b] Observe. [b]SC 88 EXT ENDORPHIN BUNKER - ENTRANCE-DAY[/b] [i]POOPLOO slips out of the undergrowth with a long length of sturdy rope. Fast as lightning and virtually unseen he ties all 4 SHORTSTOPS' feet together and ties the rope to the back of one of their speeders. Then he silently swings his furry ball of a body onto the speeder bike, flipping switches. Suddenly, the bike's engine fires up with a tremendous ROAR. Pooploo grins and continues flipping switches. The speeder bike zooms into motion, taking the four hapless SHORTSTOPS with it, dragging them over the rough ground. Pooploo sails through the trees, in complete control. The Umperial SHORTSTOPS are pulled behind him, and he rounds a tree, smacking all 4 troops into it. As he continues to drag the four dead TROOPS, he decides he's had enough, grabs a VINE, and swings into the trees, the BIKE careening into a TREE and exploding into a fireball.[/i] [b]SC 89 EXT ENDORPHIN BUNKER-DAY[/b] [i]HANDS taps out a pattern on the bunker door's control panel. Everyone stands out of sight, police style, as the door opens. HANDS and LEE peek inside. No sign of life. The group enters the bunker silently. The door slams shut behind them. [/i] [b]LEE:[/b] This is creepy. [b]HANDS:[/b] Where is everyone? [b]COMMANDER REEKS:[/b] Do you realize I'm in this film too? [b]HERON SYNDROME:[/b] Me too. They inserted me in [i]Forces of Destiny.[/i] [b]SC 90 INT DEADLY STAR 2: THE SEQUEL[/b] [i]The elevator opens. VACUOUS and MARCUS enter the room alone. They walk to the throne beneath the gaze of Emporer Sheev Sidious Snidious Chin Palpitatine. VACUOUS bows to his Master.[/i] [b]PALPITATINE:[/b] Welcome, young Streetwalker. I have been expecting you. [i]He gestures and the binders around MARCUS's wrists fall off. The Red Robed Guards exit the room.[/i] [b]PALPITATINE:[/b] I'm looking forward to completing your training. In time you will call me Master. [b]MARCUS:[/b] You won't convert me as you did Manakin. Soon we'll all be dead. You are mistaken. [b]PALPITATINE:[/b] Oh, you mean those Rebels about to attack me. No, they won't get very far. I allowed this all to happen, see, I allowed the Bothans to know this base's location. We are safe from your friends here. Hah! [b]MARCUS:[/b] Didn't you read the Script? You die. Did you plan for that? [b]PALPITATINE:[/b] Yes, just read Chuck Wendig's books. You'll see I prepared for every eventuality. And if I die, there's always Exegol....... [b]MARCUS:[/b] Exegol, what's that? [b]PALPITATINE:[/b] Well, you'll never find it because you need a Sith Wayfinder..... [b]MARCUS:[/b] A whadda? [b]PALPITATINE:[/b] Forget all that. You'll be a blue ghost before Rey defeats me there anyway. [b]MARCUS:[/b] Did you plan for that? [b]PALPITATINE:[/b] Well, maybe that wasn't scripted. [b]VACUOUS:[/b] His brightsabre. (Hands it to the Umporer) [b]PALPITATINE:[/b] Ah, yes, a Jedi's weapon. [b]MARCUS:[/b] Sith use them to. As I recall. You have two. [b]PALPITATINE:[/b] True, too true. But I misplaced them. [b]MARCUS:[/b] Oh. [b]PALPITATINE:[/b] By now you must know that Vacuous can never be turned from the Dark Side. So shall it be with you. [b]MARCUS:[/b] Your arrogance blinds you. Perhaps you put too much faith in the Dark Side of the Force. [b]PALPITATINE:[/b] Hah! Your friends are walking into a trap. An entire legion of my best troops awaits them. Oh, I'm afraid the shield will still be quite operational by the time your friends arrive.[/quote]
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