WARNING: KENOBI AND GENERAL SW SAGA AND POSSIBLE MCU SPOILERS
RATED PG-13 FOR LANGUAGE AND SEX HUMOR
Title: The Obi-Wan Kenobi Humorous Version
Subtitle: Ob-Ewan McNobi
Authors: study888, The Jedi Council : In order of appearance:
Dramatis Personae:
Ob-Ewan McNobi, Desert Rat.
The Grand Inquisitive with the wrong-sized Head, Head of the Inquisitive.
Fat Brother the Fifth, Oversized Inquisitive who has a mean streak.
Reba, new and young Inquisitive who has big ambitions.
Lee Organic Smits, 10 year old bratty and know-it-all Princess of the Royal House of All-Drained
O-Wan and Beroo Larks, Gritty and young adoptive parents of young Marcus Streetwalker
Baily and Bruhaha Organic Smits, Dignified Royal adoptive parents of Lee Organic Smits.
Marcus Streetwalker, seen but rarely heard.
Darth Vacuous with the robot/human mixed voice, Dark Lord of the Sith, now apparently more machine now than man.
Umporer Sheev Palpitatine/Darth Chin/Snidious/Sidious, Dark Lord of the Sith, cameo. (Well, he used to be The Cameo, so.......)
Other major and minor characters.
Notes: This is a Round Robin and starts with a HV Clip show that mirrors the opening scenes of the Obi-Wan Kenobi Show.
I really worked hard on the opening scenes of this Humorous Version and I hope you guys can continue it. I'll step in later to add more scenes here and there.
Enjoy.-study888.

A long time ago in a galaxy so far away the James-Webb Space Telescope can't ever see it....

SC 01 EXT SPACE

As dramatic music starts up, we see a ship going by.

SC 02 EXT COROSNARFLAT-TEMPLE OF DOOM-DUSK

and a shot of the Temple of Doom on Corosnot at Dusk,

SC 03 INT-TEMPLE OF DOOM-CORUSCANT-DUSK

then a shot of Yoga, Li-Gon Jinn'nTonic and young Ob-Ewan McNobi and study3600(now888) in the Jedi council room. study3600 is eating a slice of pizza and chugging a 2 Liter of Cooke.

MACE WINDY: A virgin? Hell no. 

SC 04 EXT PATOOTIE-PODRACING ARENA-DAY

Manakin races backward over the finish line, reaches down into the floor or his pod and grabs a can of Pupsi and cracks it open as the Pepsi Girl sings Ba-da-ba-ba-ba, bada-bup-a-dah, the joy of Cola.

SC 05 INT QUEEN'S SOMETHING SOMETHING NUBIAN

LI-GON: Manakin Streetwalker, meet Ob-Ewan McNobi.

SC 06 EXT PATOOTIE

Shot of Li-Gon Jinn'nTonic in front of Manakin's slave hovel, with Yoga's voice overlay.

YOGA: Clouded this boy's future is.

(Note to Mods: Where I don't remember what happened or what was said in the Original TPM HV I use the line from the Script with Parody names because I don't have access to the Original TPM HV. I can correct that later if or whenever I find or get the original TPM HV back again. Since I wrote the original Council scene, I took liberty to change it a little.)

SC 07 EXT-COORS SHOT-NIGHT

Li-Gon and Ob-Ewan are walking.

OB-EWAN: You were just going to throw me to the wolves!

SC 08 INT-TEMPLE OF DOOM-NIGHT

YOGA: An apprentice you have, Li-Gon. Impossible to take on a second.

LI-GON: Ob-Ewan is ready.

OB-EWAN: I am ready to face the trials.

SC 09 INT-NuhBOO-CASERTA PALACE-HANGAR

BLUDGEON ignites his second blade.

LI-GON and OB-EWAN ignite their blades.

BLUDGEON drops his-

study888: Ok, that joke is NOT appropriate for today's forums.

SC 10 INT GENERATOR ROOM HALLWAY-NuhBOO-DAY

Ob-Ewan, Li-Gon and Bludgeon continue their fight. OB-EWAN gets separated from the other two by an energy wall.

VOICE OVERLAY (LI-GON'S VOICE): You've been a good apprentice, Ob-Ewan.

OB-EWAN: Why, thanks, Master, I- NOOOOOO!

LI-GON gets stabbed in the midsection.

LI-GON: Well ain't that a pisser.

Ob-Ewan has reduced Bludgeon to a bloody stump with no head, arms or legs.

OB-EWAN: What are you going to do, bleed on me. 

He kicks BLUDGEON down the shaft.

VOICE OVERLAY (LI-GON): I forsee you will become a great Jedi Knght.

OB-EWAN: Thank you, Master. I hope you don't die, well Sabrina Wren didn't die and Reba didn't die three times, and the Grand Inquisitive survived the same wound too, and even Bludgeon will be back so, you just need a bit of medical attention, maybe some Bacta, a medical poxy, some gauze,and you're good to go.

He rushes over to Li-Gon.

LI-GON: Promise me you'll train the boy. He is...the Chosen One. C'mere....Closer.

OB-EWAN leans down closer.

LI-GON gives him a sloppy wet kiss on the mouth.

SC 11 EXT NuhBOO-LIGON'S FUNERAL

We see Ob-Ewan and Manakin, with Voice Overlays of Ob-Ewan and Yoga.

OB-EWAN: Master Yoga, I gave Li-Gon my word. And why do you always talk backwards? Try saying The Chosen One The Boy May Be.

YOGA: The Boy may be the Chosen One.

OB-EWAN: See, you did it.

SC 12 EXT CHORALE CHANT-TRAFFIC-NIGHT

Manakin, now a teenager, is piloting a yellow speeder with an older bearded Ob-Ewan by his side.

OB-EWAN: You know if you spent as much time practicing your saber technique as you did ogling women, you'd rival Master Yoga as a swordsman.

SC 13 EXT KABLINGO

OB-EWAN and MANGO are having their iconic fight with a voice overlay by Manakin and Dorme

(Note to Mods I believe Darth Vacuous wrote this scene. There is no change or alteration, but it is verbatim from The Attack of the Clones Humorous Version)
.MANAKIN: Master Obi-Wan manages not to see it... Don't get me wrong....He?s a great master. As wise as Master Yoga and as powerful as Master Windy. I am truly thankful to be his apprentice. Only... although I'm a Paddleone learner, in some ways... a lot of ways... I'm ahead of him. I'm ready for the trials. I know I am! He knows it too. He believes I'm too unpredictable. He... Dorme would you please stop that!



Looks at DORME, who is sitting on the sidelines with a bag of popcorn and a coke- er, Jawa Juice



DORME: What!



MANAKIN: If you don't mind, my temper tantrum is for Patme's benefit alone. I cannot get her too feel all motherly and protective of me, if there's someone else in the room. I need her to come over here to comfort me soon, at which point she will realize how tall and strong I am and how pretty my blue eyes are. If you're over there breathlessly hanging on our every word it is not going to work right. She will feel uncomfortable.



DORME (grins): Sorry pal, I paid for my ticket already, and I sat in line for three months in Seattle with those other guys to get here. I had to beat fifty other people at Star Wars trivia for this chance. I bet you don't even know what shape the Death Star detention corriders were!



MANAKIN walks over to her and whispers something in her ear.



DORME: Oh that's right. Well, I guess you would know then. But still, I'm not leaving!

(Note to mods: I wrote the following scene)
SC 14 INT COROUTANT-PALPITATINE'S OFFICE-DAY

MANAKIN and PALPITATINE stand at the window of PALPITATINE'S office and look out over the vast city.



PALP: I will talk to Ahladada. She will not refuse an executive order, I can assure you of that.



MANAKIN: Thank you, your excellency.



PALP: Rise, my friend.



MANAKIN: I'm not even kneeling!



PALP: I sense that now you would like to continue your search for young Streetwalker.



MANAKIN: What the hell are you-



PALP: And so, my young Paddleone, they have finally given you an assignment.



MANAKIN: Why did you call me that?



PALP: What?



MANAKIN: Your Paddleone.



PALP: I meant "Prassle tun"



MANAKIN: Prassle-



PALP: Your patience has paid off.



MANAKIN: Your guidance more than my patience.



PALPITATINE: You don't need guidance, Manakin. In time you will learn to trust your feelings. Then you will be INVINCIBLE! MORE POWERFUL EVEN THAN YODA!

NO ONE WILL BE ABLE TO STOP YOU! YOU WILL RULE OVER ALL THE GALAXY! YOU WILL BE EVEN MORE POWERFUL THAN ME!



MANAKIN (shivering): Thank you, your, um, excellency.



He nervously backs out of the room, whilst PALP keeps shouting about power and galactic domination

SC 15 EXT NuhBOO

We see Manakin and Patme getting married.

SC 16 EXT PATOOTIE

We see Manakin travelling on a speeder bike with D.B. on the handlebars.

SC 17 INT CORINANT-PADME'S ARARTMENT-WRONG SCENE BECAUSE WE NEVER WROTE THE RIGHT ONE OR I CAN'T FIND IT, SO I'LL USE THIS ONE

MANAKIN: Sometimes, I wonder what's happening to the Jedi Order . . . I think this war is destroying all my good photo ops ? I mean, first of all, what?s up with the scar.



PATME: Hey who knows about that?



MANAKIN: I mean the one on my face! (points to his face, annoyed) Doesn?t exactly help with my poster boy image. And can we talk wardrobe? The black on black look is so last year. Don?t get me started on these hair extensions?



PATME: Have you ever considered that we may be on the wrong side?



MANAKIN: I know, I know -- they never get my good side!!



PATME: Me neither! How is that possible?



MANAKIN: Don't you understand, if you join me, together we can rule the screen and give them the money shot!



PATME: With this dumb blue screen background? How are we supposed to get in the mood??



MANAKIN: (suspicious) What do you mean?



PATME: What if the room we're standing in no longer exists?



MANAKIN: I don't believe that. And you're sounding like a Separatist!



PATME: Now, you're closer to the Chancellor than anyone. Please, please ask him to get us a real room, at the Four Star Croissant Omni Hotel, or something.



MANAKIN: (growing angry) Don't ask me to do that, Patme. Make a motion in the Senate, where that kind of a request belongs.



PATME: What is up your?



MANAKIN: Shut up.



PATME: Don't do this . . . don't shut me up. Let me help you.



PATME: (continuing) Hold me . . . like you did by the lake on NuhBOO, so long ago . . . when there was nothing but our love ... No politics, no photo-ops... no scar.

SC 18 EXT PATOOTIE

Manakin mourns for his mother at her funeral, kneeling at her grave, with voice overlay.

MANAKIN: I want more, and I know I shouldn't.

SC 19 INT. CORUSCANT-CHANCELLOR'S OFFICE-EARLY EVENING

MANAKIN comes running in to PALPITATINE who is working on a photo album: Obi-Wan has engaged Greedy, your lordship.

PALPTIATINE: How wonderful! My sincerest congratulations to them both.

MANAKIN: Oh..wait. No. no. no. They're not ENGAGED. They've ENGAGED.

PALPITATINE: Ah. I better take back the fondue pot then.


MANAKIN: I should be there with him.

PALPITATINE: Poor widdle MANNYKIN, help me put my photo album together, courtesy of the tax payers, it'll do you good.

MANAKIN: Okay. Hey! What is this? Pics of darth maul as a baby. Pics of Dooku as a baby (has he ALWAYS had that beard?!) Pics of you with a chef's hat. Making...*gasp* muffins?! You make force muffins? WIth the DARK SIDE?!

PALPITATINE: why, yes (does dance in order to try and seduce MANAKIN to the darkside. It doesn't work)

MANAKIN: so you're the sith lord!

takes out saber.

PALPITATINE: yes. Are you going to kill me?

MANAKIN: I should certainly like too.

PALPITATINE: Yes I know you would. I can feel your anger. It makes you strong. Gives you muscles.

MANAKIN: Now every thing is clear.

PALPITATINE: All your life you've wanted to be more than a simple jedi. A man of consequence. A man of conscience. A man with muffins.

MANAKIN: And...

PALPITATINE: Let me teach you Dark Side culinary skills and you will have more muffins than any jedi before you.

MANAKIN:I'm going to expose these pics of you to the jedi.

PALPITAINE: I know you will. But I know you'll be back, you sugar addict, you.

SC 20 POLIO MASSES MEDICAL CENTER-MANAKIN'S DREAM

MANAKIN is watching PATME give birth. He (MANAKIN, not PATME) is screaming, but only becasue she is giving birth to OB-EWAN's child.

VOICE OVERLAY: (PALPITATINE) The power to make Force Muffins...raisin muffins.

SC 21 INT TEMPLE OF DOOM-CONTROL CENTER-NIGHT

OB-EWAN enters the Main Control Center with YOGA and heads for the hologram area.

YOGA: If into the security recordings you go, find our missing peas, you may. Also who our mysterious assassin is, you may find out.

OB-EWAN: Good idea, Master.

OB-EWAN uses a SCREWDRIVER to remove a PANEL, then flips some SWITCHES. He sees a HOLOGRAM of MANAKIN STREETWALKER finding the note and saying "Oh, no, my Master is going to kill me."

OB-EWAN: It can't be---there were never any peas at all! Our tuna and noodles are going to be bland.

YOGA: More importantly, young Streetwalker, to the Dark Side turned, has he. I can buy some peas at Aldi's, no worries.

In the HOLOGRAM, a DARK-ROBED SITH LORD enters. He b****-slaps MANAKIN to the floor and screams at him "Why the hell are the Younglings still ALIVE you idiot!"
In reply, MANAKIN says: "Sorry, Master, I tried", to which the Dark Lord replies "Why do I have the feeling you're going to be the death of me?" then MANAKIN says "Master Snidious, you're my father. I would never dream of killing you," which enrages the SITH LORD, who says "That's DARTH CHIN to you, boy! Now, Lord Vacuous, go bring peas to the Empire".

OB-EWAN watches in horror. His stomach rumbles.

OB-EWAN: That brat! He's not saving any peas for us! I'll show him!

SC 22 EXT MUSTAFARFARAWAY-DAY

OB-EWAN and MANAKIN LOCK SWORDS above their heads. Then the fight goes on unspectacularly.

GL: Uh, production team, WHERE'S MY EXPLODING MT. ETNA SCENE.

PRODUCTION TEAM MEMBER 1: Budget cut. You're already Waaaay over budget on these two fight scenes alone. You still want Darth Vacuous in his full suit, right?

GL: (Grumbles).

MANAKIN: This is the end for you, my Master.

OB-EWAN: No-no actually it isn't. I still have to be in two shows and another movie. 

OB-EWAN: (CONT'D)  I have failed you, Manakin, I have failed you. 

OB-EWAN: (CONT'D) It's over Manakin, I have the High Ground. Oh, that's going to be a meme for sure.

OB-EWAN cuts off three of MANAKIN's limbs. 

OB-EWAN: Now you have a new name...Torso Boy.

OB-EWAN: You were the Chosen One they said, oh, boy look how that turned out. Well i'll just take this here brightsabre and tell a lie about it to someone later. C'ya. Wouldn't wanna be ya.

PALPITATINE: He's still alive, tsk, Crispy Fried Manakin. Well, he'll have to do until I can find a suitable replacement. I'll go force heal him and get him some medical attention. Who says I'm not compassionate?

SC 23 COURSEUCAN'T-OPERATING ROOM-NIGHT

MANAKIN screams as he is operated on and fitted for his NEW SUIT.

VOICE OVERLAY: (PALPS) You shall be known as Darth ........Vacuous.

SC 24 POLIO MASSES MED CENTER

Ob-Ewan leans over and gives Patme a final kiss on the lips goodbye.

PATME: Ob-Ewan, there's still good in him.

SC 25 INT COURSEUCAN-OPERATING ROOM-NIGHT

DARTH VACUOUS RISES

VOICE OVERLAY (PALPS Rise.

SC 26 EXT NuhBOO-NIGHT-PATME'S FUNERAL

YOGA: Hidden, safe, your children must be kept.

OB-EWAN: We must send them somewhere where the Sith cannot send them presents.

BAILY SMITS: My wife and I will take the girl. We've always wanted a kid but I shoot blanks.

YOGA: TMI, dude.

OB-EWAN: And what of the boy? 

YOGA: To Manakin's family send him, Nawe-bo. He'll never think of looking there. In fact, don't change his name to Larks. Keep it Streetwalker. No one will EVER see the connection.

YOGA: (CONT'D): In your solitude, training I have for you.

OB-EWAN: Master Li-Gon!

YOGA: How to commune with him I will teach you.

The screen fades.

OBI-WAN AND YOGA: Brilliant montage!

A SPEAKPURPANDVACPARODY UNLMTD PRODUCTION









EXT CORUSCANT-NIGHT

Camera pulls into the window of the Temple of Doom where Jedi Younglngs are singing their ABC's and coloring in Jedi coloring books and decorating collages with dry elbow macaroni and glue, when the door opens and in bursts several CLOWN TROOPERS.

JEDI TEACHER: What is the meaning of this intrusion?!

CLOWN TROOPER 1: I dunno. We're supposed to be executing some order, but Palps keeps changing it. Frankly, we don't know why we're here.

Just then a hologram appears on the CLOWN COMMANDER'S WRIST.

PALPITATINE: Oh, that's right, I remember. Execute Order 71!

CLOWN COMMANDER: It will be done, lord.

Suddenly the TROOPS, using VERY BAD AIM, fire upon the Younglings and their TEACHER. The TEACHER easily deflects the bolts and easily mows down ALL BUT ONE of the troops. A YOUNGLING throws her COLORING BOOK at the remaining troop's HEAD and he keels over dead.

TEACHER: Let's go!

They march through the hallways, the TEACHER slicing and dicing through TROOPS as she eggs the kids on to move forward. The TROOPS can't hit the BROADSIDE OF A BARN. The TEACHER conveniently slips on a banana peel and dies.

YOUNG REBA: NOOOOO!

YOUNGLING 2: What do we do now?

REBA: Set your training sabres to kill. Let's kick some Clown a**!

Sabres out, the YOUNGLINGS march down the hallways impaling and beheading TROOPS. Reba gets her foot caught in a bear trap. 

REBA: ****! Go on without me!



OB-EWAN McNOBI

EPISODE 1


















 

Last edited by study3600 (4/12/2024 9:24 pm)