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6. Dark Journey Humorous Version
Dark Journey Humorous Version
SPOILERS FOR NJO
Rated PG
Authors: Jades Fire,
Title: Dark Journey Humorous Version (All kinds of spoilers)
Time Period: New Jedi Order
Genre: Parody / Satire / Humorous Version / sometimes AU
Spoilers: Any spoilers from NJO books previously released may be present. Any officially released future NJO material such as book covers, back cover synopses, or TOS book summaries are also fair game when they become available. Some contributors might make educated guesses about the future of the NJO books. For example, when I was working on the Conquest Humorous Version and the cover of Star by Star was released, I commented on the placement of Anakin on the back cover by comparing it to Chewbacca's similar placement on the back of Vector Prime.
Previous NJO Humorous Versions:
(some of the older ones have been locked due to inactivity or got a bit messed up in the transfer from UBB to Snowboards)
Conquest: The Humorous Version (still ongoing 
)
Ruin Humorous Version (still active)
Vector Prime Humorous Version (topic locked)
The NJO Humorous Version: Part two of the VPHV (topic locked)
Onslaught Humorous Version (topic locked)
Balance Point Humorous Version (topic locked)
Those links don't work^^
These mightVV
Heir To The Empire HV 1
HTTE HV 2
Vector Prime HV Part 1
Vector Prime HV Part 2
Ruin HV
Balance Point HV
Conquest HV
And the original thread of Dark Journey HV:
Dramatis Personae (that's Latin for "cast of characters cheat-sheet.")
Jaina Solo (snippy and permanently PMS'ing Jedi Knight)
Han Solo (reformed alcoholic, back to his old hotshot pilot self again)
Leia Organa Solo (former Jedi Knight, arbitrarily reduced to non-Jedi status)
Isobar (Fabio look alike, husband to the Queen of Hapes)
??? (Queen of Hapes, possible sacrificial lamb)
??? (Queen Mother agent provocatuer extrordiarrie)
??? (Jedi Knight, daughter of the Queen, Jacen's one-time love interest)
Lowly (token Wookie and friend of Snippy!Jaina)
Tahini (tasteless sesame paste, now without her puppy love, Anakin)
Blue Ani (the depressed ghost of Anakin Solo)
Dab (Anakin look alike, with a name like that who needs HV names)
Hardy Harhar (YubYub Pong priest)
Khaless (Star Trek crossover, son of Singsong Along, the Pong warmaestro)
Dum Dum Anor (Scooby Doo villian of the the NJO -- {shakes fist in the air} if it weren't for those dern kids my plan would have worked!)
Anyone can contribute to this Humorous Version (editor's note: by starting a continuation thread on theforce.net forums-study3600) as long as it parodies something about Dark Journey, other NJO books, or anything releated to the NJO. If you're here to make self-righteous speeches, take it somewhere else. I have three names I can't think of any humorous names for. Recommendations welcome.
Inspiration for some of the names and descriptions have come from people like Dewlanna Solo, aleja, MariahJade2; other posters I forget; and previous Humorous Versions.
1.
Hello, this is Chuck Woolamander, and welcome to this edition of The Luv Connection.
Let's introduce tonight's bachelorette! She is none other than the spoiled daughter of the Princess Leia and the great pilot Han Solo, the only Solo kid without much of a personality, a drifter looking for purpose, and the latest Jedi to fall to the Dark Side, the one and only, Jaina Solo.
<loud cheers and a number of raspberries thrown in too.>
<Jaina comes in and sits down next to Chuck to chat for a bit.>
Chuck: "Hello Jaina."
Jaina: "Whatever Chucky."
Chuck: "Don't be so snippy Jaina."
Jaina: "Listen Chucky, I'm just following the script here. I have to be snippy to everyone."
Chuck: "Okay. So, Jainy, what have you been up to?"
Jaina: "Well, my little brother just died during an ill-conceived mission to destroy the Voxyn we aren't even sure have been destroyed."
Chuck: "Sounds like a suicide mission."
Jaina: "Well, yeah, but they had to thin the herd ... so to speak."
Chuck: "I'm sorry to hear about your brother's passing."
Jaina: "Why? I'm not. He was hogging the limelight. Thought he was sooo perfect, sooo good. Look at him now. Dead. Serves him right for being so cocky."
Chuck: "And you're not cocky?"
Jaina: "Yeah, you bet I am. Gotta do the tough-girl routine. There's only room for one Princess in this series, and I'm not her."
Chuck: "I see. You sure you aren't in denial about his death?"
Jaina: "He'll be back somehow. What is there to be in denial about?"
Chuck: "Are you sure?"
Jaina: "Trust me. Can we get on with this?"
Chuck: "What's the matter Jainy, this is your book, don't you want to take advantage of it?"
Jaina: "Yeah. My book. But would you look at the cover. I look like an overly made up goth pretty girl. Plus, it's a warm green. And PINK!!!"
Chuck: "Well, didn't the author take that into account and put you into a glamorous situation?"
Jaina: "Sure, they always have to cover for the cover artists, heehee, but it's just not me. Besides how cliche can you get? A female author, a big picture of a girl on the cover with green and pink colors. This book shouts Harlequin Romance."
Chuck: "Well... Let's get on with the game and introduce our eligible bachelors."
<announcer's voice from off stage>
Behind Door Number 1, the butcher of a worldship, the destroyer of Cardia, the former Imperial-hater turned Smuggler-hater, the only Jedi to take the fight to the enemy, the Jedi everyone seems to hate, several authors included ... Dyp Durron. <boos and hisses drown out the few cheers>
Behind Door Number 2, the uberpilot of the NJO, the kid with all the right genes, the newest cult character who has had only had 5 lines of dialogue up to this point, but has the biggest following, the most telegraphed character ever, and the fangurlz favorite, but not mine ... Gag Fell. <a chorus of screaming girls with a number of guys screaming too>
And Behind Door Number 3, the token love interest from the YJK, another former Dark Sider, the man with a red shirt who has survived so far, the guy who's always called last during roll call ... Zitt. <a bunch of boos from the Gag fans and some cheers from the YJK fans>
Last edited by study3600 (8/15/2024 10:08 pm)